tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61629402024-03-13T09:35:32.207-05:00from B to ZBEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.comBlogger780125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-6388149946656667072018-07-18T16:45:00.001-05:002018-07-19T17:23:41.364-05:00Slow LoveHas turned out to be the real thing.BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-47176622917889674742017-11-04T01:33:00.000-05:002017-11-04T01:33:58.405-05:00The Love I want is willingI am listening to a John Mayer song I hadn't really listened to before, it's called "In The Blood" from The Search of Everything album. It's on repeat.<br />
<br />
I want to be aware of the places I'm broken. And I want to hug those pieces of me, separated by hardships, evil, and heartbreak. I want to mend those pieces and put them together again, in a beautiful way. I want to make art out of my heartbreak. But I want to make sure I'm not selfish while doing that. I don't know where this is going... it's one of the reasons I still come write here. This place that could be gone with one click, that doesn't really exist yet it holds so many grains of me, of my mind, that I've left here throughout the years.<br />
<br />
I want to love without fear. And I feel like I've been able to do it until now. I'm talking about that love that leads to the desire of giving all of you to someone you didn't see coming. I always dive in head first, and I'm thankful that I haven't busted my head yet, but it hasn't been pretty. I haven't been able to find a man brave enough to love me the same way. Or at least open to try.<br />
<br />
This time the term "twin flames" even came to mind. Someone so weird and wonderful in a completely different way than me, but yet so alike. Very special. A sunset chaser and slow adventure seeker. This great partner not ready to jump head first with me.<br />
<br />
I hate that word, "ready." Ready? Like we're ever going to be ready. Like a dish out of the oven. It's so naive, to think we have all this time to get to some place where "ready" exist. It doesn't exist. Because the more we grow, the more we realize we got some more growing to do, don't we? The more we know, the more we know we don't know. There's no ready, there's no perfect, there's not done. There's only willing. I was going to say there may be a "ready enough," but that may be bullshit too. There's only willing. Willing to love and to grow and to learn. Willing to be wrong and to learn from it and try again. Willing to be open and to be a partner.<br />
<br />
I'm not mad. I'm actually really thankful for all these unwilling dudes. Because every time, it's someone better than I imagined. Every time I get my heart shot down, I think "but he was so great... am I going to find someone better?" And I keep finding better people. At least better for me. So I still hope and I'm still thankful. Maybe one of these months someone will find me and be willing to adventure with me without fear.BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-33409326544806623362017-09-27T00:25:00.000-05:002017-09-27T00:25:02.612-05:00I needed to write<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Age is irrelevant. Ask me how many sunsets I've seen, hearts I've loved, trips I've taken, or concerts I've been to. That's how old I am. - Joelle. </blockquote>
I take my time with sunsets, the moon, the stars, the clouds, the colors of the cacti and all the plants with the names I can't never remember. I like to feel the grass between my toes and under the soles of my feet, the sand too, and cold rainwater hitting my head under a summer storm. I scream of happiness when I see rainbows. I love live music, it takes me places. I've met so many strangers and made tiny connections while sharing a laugh, or a high five, or a hug, or a dance to our favorite song, or tears. And I love my family more than anything, our blood stronger than the ocean's tides. I've walked streets and trails in cities and towns I hadn't even dreamed of... The colorful calles of Antigua, San José, Managua, Coyoacán, Oaxaca, Portland, Seattle, New Orleans, Detroit, St. Louis, D.C., Denver, Chicago, all over California, Arkansas, Missouri, Florida... How could I have ever dreamed of the places which names I couldn't even pronounce?<br />
<br />
I've hugged trees since I can remember and rested under them looking up their branches and leaves. We're all connected. I've felt the earth shake under my feet, my heart gone quiet for seconds, felt the loss of others and felt my loses too: abuelita, abuelitos, my dad, my friends. Sorrow and love, the vacancy and fullness of both.
I've loved and been loved. I've written, painted, drawn, built, and gotten lost in the power of each moment. I love sunsets more than sunrises, we all have favorites. I've cried at concerts and walked until I couldn't take one more step. I'm a daughter, a sister, and aunt, an a servant to my cat most days. I can name all my nephews and nieces and I will never be a mother. I'm a friend. A good friend. I have a bad temper, and patience is torturous, maybe because I've had to wait too long already for so much. But I found yoga and music and they keep me calm.<br />
<br />
Dwayne rescued my heart when he came to my life during a sunset in a cold January in Arkansas.
Injustice makes my blood boil. I'm not an angel, no matter how much good I've done. I don't know if this is a manifesto or a confession, but "32" doesn't quite translate into this life I've lived and it looks like I needed to write.BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-38019756934150518632017-08-08T06:53:00.002-05:002017-08-08T06:53:19.203-05:00LoveI just read a thing about love<br />
http://erinoutdoors.com/love-is-like-that/<br />
<br />
I'm always reading things about love. Listening to songs about love. Watching movies and TV shows about love. Listening to podcasts about love. I write, and draw, and paint about love. I have the word tattooed on my body. It gives me hope, fuels my dreams, makes me smile, and makes me see magic and beauty everywhere.<br />
<br />
But it also hurts me.<br />
<br />
It makes me question myself and the world. Love makes me ache. It makes me feel empty. There is a place of emptiness inside of me and I'm not being metaphorical, I can feel it when I feel the punch of Love. It's right below my heart and above my stomach. It feels empty and cold, and and it's so familiar. It's always there, but it screams its existence at me when I least expect it. The other night it was in the middle of a Lyft ride, when I was reminded that love isn't coming back to me. I felt the cold hands of mt Love grab that empty place and squeeze it, reminding me to know better next time. My Love demands love, but I can't seem to figure out how to make that happen. Every time I feel it will be different, life proves me wrong and my Love screams at me: not again, what have you done?<br />
<br />
I'm sorry, Love. I don't want to be sad either. I try. Every time I feel like, maybe, this time my Love will come back to me joyful, but it doesn't. This isn't insanity. This isn't the same mistake over and over, I'm learning and growing, but my Love has come back bruised every time.<br />
<br />
All these battle wounds don't stop me and my Love, we keep going. But how much longer can we go? How much longer before my Love stops me from loving in self-preservation? Before the grip on the empty place becomes permanent in self-love? I used to think those cold hands I felt were loneliness... It took me a while to recognize the grip, to know it was Love itself, trying to hold on to life, to learn, to heal. Love really is like that.BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-54928548006519452732017-05-25T17:41:00.003-05:002017-05-25T17:41:41.756-05:00Finding lightNo clear line to follow when the heart has been broken so many times in saw many pieces, and I'm not talking about romance or lack thereof. I'm talking about life punches. <div>
What am I writing? Typing? Why here? There are little notebooks and pieces of paper that have received my lines, my questions, my cries, and then have seen the trash. Like the poems I threw away while back at my mom's house. There were so many poems. I was sad and heartbroken in days when I didn't know what sadness and heartbreak really were. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Last weekend was good. Celebrating J's life with new places, new flavors, and sweet live music. With all the punches, I'm really thankful for the moments of light life brings. </div>
BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-77519611378714213472017-03-20T10:58:00.000-05:002017-03-20T10:58:05.050-05:00Treinta y dosI'm so alive. This new year of my life has started in a very positive note and I am so thankful for that. My mom sent me flowers the day before my birthday, and then it was all magic. I saw a shooting start the night of my birthday, I had been hiking and painting while making a new friend earlier that day, and I slept by a lake under the shine of an almost full moon. Later that night I woke up to the surprise of the moon setting over the mountains and the lake. It was a very special moment.<br />
<br />
I have also been painting. After that petition package went out on the 9th, my world got lighter. I'm thankful.BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-88660230409862770002017-02-19T16:16:00.001-06:002017-02-19T16:16:21.154-06:00So much has changedThe world, this nation, my family, my circle of friends, and my life is so different since the last time I wrote here.<br />
<br />
The political reality of the country is chaos, hate, and fear. But also, an amazing uprising of love and resistance.<br />
<br />
I am tired.BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-69480871285609504622016-09-06T11:07:00.001-05:002016-09-06T11:07:07.637-05:00Hello SeptemberThis month is bringing about many changes I've been asking for, and it's going by as fast as time tends to go by when there's great things happening.<br />
<br />
I'm saying goodbye to things, to people, and to places that have come to make my life what it is now. Change is good. This change is good. And needed. And the most beautiful part of it all is that I have absolutely no idea what is coming for me. I have no idea how I will make things happen, but I know that I am not alone and that it will happen. This jump I'm taking is worth my happiness.<br />
<br />
The changes I've been making in my life for the best part of this year have been worth it, even if they have brought about slow results. I have learned to be persistent and enjoy the journey. I have learned to fight moment to moment and to love myself (and to hold myself) no matter what happens.<br />
<br />
I'm incredibly thankful for everything that has been given to me. I am thankful for the life I am given every moment and thankful for the powerful love that surrounds me, in the shape of my mother, my sisters, my brothers, my nieces and nephews, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, my dear friends, and my funny cat.<br />
<br />
The trees, trails, rivers, and roads that surround me now will always have a special place in my heart. I will miss the rain and the changes in the seasons. I will not miss the allergies. But here I am. Ready for what's next. Ready to keep fighting this amazing battle that has been my life, but now, so excited to do it.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"A veces habrá que abrir la ventana y tirar todo a la calle, pero sobre todo hay que tirar también la ventana, y nosotros con ella... es la muerte o salir volando... por amor a la felicidad."
-- Julio Cortázar</blockquote>
BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-29628816966953314792016-06-20T15:20:00.001-05:002016-06-20T15:20:42.428-05:00<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
Today is Summer Solstice. The longest, brightest day of the year. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
Today is also full moon, rising on Sagitarious. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
What a magical day. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
<strong>The Summer Day</strong><br />By Mary Oliver</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">
Who made the world?<br />Who made the swan, and the black bear?<br />Who made the grasshopper?<br />This grasshopper, I mean—<br />the one who has flung herself out of the grass,<br />the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,<br />who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down—<br />who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.<br />Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.<br />Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.<br />I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.<br />I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down<br />into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,<br />how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,<br />which is what I have been doing all day.<br />Tell me, what else should I have done?<br />Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?<br />Tell me, what is it you plan to do<br />with your one wild and precious life?</div>
BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-45509693973479293702016-03-28T09:14:00.001-05:002017-02-19T16:16:39.910-06:00I do.I am so tired of online dating. For quite a few months now (most of 2015 and what goes of 2016) I've been in and out of dating sites. It's exhausting for my soul.<br />
This is how it's been happening: I create a profile, pick good photos, answer questions, do some write ups, and start to look at other profiles. Then I reply to some messages, most of them go unanswered because they are just "Hey." Then I meet one or two people in person. And I get tired and delete the profile. Men seem to have more balls to talk like imbeciles online than they do in real life. I have put several of those dudes in their place, but that also gets exhausting and, frankly, I doubt it's helping.<br />
Last year I met someone decent. We carried a good conversation and then he came to visit me. He lives to far away. We kept talking, but then he made plans to visit and then flaked out in three different occasions. We kept talking until we didn't. I liked him. But that was stupid.<br />
<br />
I started to read a book I got for $2 at a goodwill. A really good book by Tracy McMillan. It's shaken a lot of my views on myself and has awaken me. But then last week, while I still had a dating app on my phone, I watched her <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3fIZuW9P_M">TED Talk</a>. And I ended up in tears. I'm choosing to marry myself right now.<br />
<br />
There's a lot of people that find love online. My best friend included. So it's valid, and it's cool. But I've never wanted that to be my story. I crave a different kind of magic. Magic that starts by committing to myself. And I do. I do now. I do forever. I do. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poor, in sickness and in health, until death do us apart.BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-87307803006019072722015-09-25T09:05:00.002-05:002015-09-25T09:05:36.197-05:00About a man<blockquote class="tr_bq">
“You haven’t given me much idea of __________. Would he object to your working—outside the house I mean? Excluding personal charm, which I assume, and the more conventional virtues which go with success in business, is he his own man? Has he any force of character? Or imagination and generosity? Does he read books? Has he any leaning toward the arts and sciences or anything beyond creature comfort and duck-shooting? In short, has he the possibilities of growth that would make a lifetime with him seem attractive? These things don’t appear later—they are either there latently or they will never be there at all.” </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
- F. Scott Fitzgerald</blockquote>
What a good letter. My dad didn't give me much advice about men. He showed me how to live life for myself, and I think that is indirect advice on men -- that I shouldn't wait or want someone to come make my life better, that it is my right and my responsibility to do so myself.BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-70019190276294156062015-08-19T09:40:00.000-05:002015-08-19T09:43:19.604-05:00Lo leí por ahiMe preocupa la gente que dice que anda buscando el amor, como si el amor ya estuviera por ahí listo y terminado. Como si existiera un amor enlatado, un producto diseñado que eliges en algún escaparate. Se han creído el cuento del amor prefabricado que nos venden en las películas de domingo en la noche o que nos cantan en la radio. Uno no busca el amor, uno lo construye...
- Carlos Arturo García BonillaBEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-38216949665983107942015-08-04T09:29:00.000-05:002015-08-04T09:32:23.617-05:00DismissedThat's how I feel right now. I asked my best friend if she's mad at me because of something that happened last week, after which she's been very short on contact with me. So I asked this morning. In a text message. She said no, in the same short manner she's been answering me for over a week. And then, a bit later, she sent a big message saying she didn't want to think about my question because it brought her negative energy and she didn't want to deal with drama.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
She's been trying to cut off the drama from her life. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But in my understanding, drama is not the situations that you front or the conversations that you do or do not have, but rather the attitude you have when dealing with those situations or having those conversations. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So I felt dismissed. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
A bit like I've felt all these years, waiting for a fix to that which is out of my control. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-89516259418380651892015-01-28T10:21:00.001-06:002017-02-19T16:27:40.972-06:00The meaning of goneAt the mention of waves,<br />
you came to me.<br />
The sea<br />
it brings you to me.<br />
All the moments in my head<br />
came to me<br />
like a tsunami.<br />
One after the other.<br />
At night, when you taught me<br />
that saltwater heals.<br />
At sunset, when you taught me to float<br />
to be free<br />
and let the sea rock me.<br />
At noon, when we swam at high tide<br />
with fish and fishermen by our side<br />
when the sea took me above your head<br />
and you felt my toes touch your floating hairs.<br />
In the morning,<br />
when the tide was low<br />
and the walk to the water seemed eternal.<br />
I will always miss you, pa.<br />
And the sea will always bring me to you.BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-22182834498871097652015-01-20T14:43:00.000-06:002015-01-20T14:43:48.009-06:00"5 days of" in 2015This year I decided to do several things instead of new year's resolutions.<br />
I have some big things<br />
and I have some little things.<br />
<br />
The big things:<br />
- I'm translating my favorite book to English<br />
- I'm eating healthier<br />
- I'm speaking things into existence<br />
- I'm painting more<br />
<br />
The little things:<br />
I am doing 5 day challenges. I wrote a whole bunch of things on pieces of paper and put them in an empty tissue box where I pull out a new one on Monday (or Tuesday, if I'm not in the office on Monday) and then I have my challenge for the week. I'm posting them on instagram under #5DaysOf2015<br />
So far, I have gotten this done:<br />
- Mailed 5 handwritten notes<br />
- Discovered 5 new bands<br />
and this week is - 5 days of yoga<br />
This is all in an effort of making my weekdays count. The years, after college, have just been going too fast. I think it's because I get stuck in routines. They are lame. I'm shaking things up.<br />
<br />BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-66071197251521811032014-12-29T16:19:00.000-06:002014-12-29T16:19:11.539-06:00Ending 2014 in a good noteI shouted out to God, to the Universe, to the air.<div>
I told no one what I wanted, out loud. </div>
<div>
I told myself. </div>
<div>
And it came to me. </div>
<div>
It came quick and big. </div>
<div>
A tsunami wave of what I asked for.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Words have power.</div>
BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-8490978582512997592014-08-28T13:08:00.000-05:002015-08-04T11:11:22.968-05:00Timeeeeeee<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;">Tomorrow will mark 2 months since the breakup, but I thought it was THREE MONTHS. LOL. Man, time is flying......... just like I've been in the last month or so. Maybe more than a month. I don't even know. I've been gifted with so much travel this year. Let's see if I can do a recount of this year in travel:</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;">February 22: Tulsa for Imagine Dragons w/Naked and Famous show.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;">April 25 - May 4: Portland, OR / Seattle, WA.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;">June 5-8: Wakarusa.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;">June 21: Tulsa Aquarium and Zoo</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;">July 3-7: Indianapolis, IN / Chicago IL</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;">August 11-18: Las Vegas, NV / Denver, CO</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;">August 22-26: Washington, D.C.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;">And here's the upcoming that I know of:</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;">September 5-8: St. Louis, MO for Loufest</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;">Mid-September: Washington, D.C.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;">November 16th: Houston, TX</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;">I have been so happy. I've been to so many airport. Detroit, Chicago, Atlanta, Denver, Las Vegas, Indianapolis, DCA... I love it.</span><br style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;" /><br style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;" /><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.5px;">And time is going by so fast. But adventures slow it down. I like slow time.</span></span>BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-4610162700472286652014-07-02T10:08:00.002-05:002014-07-14T15:23:25.307-05:00A first, but not a firstI'm going through my first official break-up. Although, it's not my first heartbreak. It's interesting how that works.<br />
<br />
And what I am realizing is that life doesn't get easier as one gets older, but the awareness that there is no use to feel sad or cry more than needed, that awareness... that awareness is powerful. Knowing that life is going to get better and this is just temporary and that life doesn't give us much time so we better not waste it.<br />
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I joked with a friend, that I'm moving through the grief stages really fast (it's only been three days or so, we broke up on June 29th, although it was coming all along). Sadness, madness, shopping (that's a stage, that's totally a stage). But mostly I'm focused on being awesome. Like Barney Stinson, but not like Barney, of course.<br />
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Let's see where this takes me.<br />
<br />BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-20676080411121057762014-03-24T08:53:00.000-05:002014-03-24T08:53:31.342-05:00Oh, my vivid dreams take me placesIt's been three nights that I've been living crazy dreams. The first night I went to la escuela España and saw a lot of people I knew. And I took a photo with my two classmates from el colegio... the only two that have passed away. I hope it's not a sign.<br />
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Then yesterday I couldn't wake up, because I was busy on some kind of adventure. I've forgotten it by now.<br />
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But this morning... oh man, this morning I woke up having a Walter Mitty kind of adventure. I was sent off from a car going by really fast and I was on a smaller car inside it and went on to some mountain. But I was thrown off the smaller car and ended up in some kind of cave-like place, and started finding bags and a towel, and recognized it from before. I had been there before. But I was some kind of fugitive, because the police came and I was able to escape, but then everyone was looking for me. I made it to La Colonia Libertad, and I went around the park a few times.<br />
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I'm glad my mind takes me places I know so well.BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-23857938230290338372014-03-20T09:55:00.000-05:002014-03-20T09:55:06.028-05:00Spring Equinox and I'm trying to renew myself.I have been able to keep my travel goals so far this year. Of course, those are the easiest for me, because of my love of traveling. I've already booked flights for me to go to Seattle and Indiana, and I've booked a flight for tia Cande to come visit from El Salvador.<br />
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I've been doing a great job keeping up with my budget.<br />
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I didn't lose 29lbs by my 29th bday. But I am on my way to still lose them, even though my birthday has passed.<br />
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I have been eating a lot healthier and have managed to cut down in eating out a lot.<br />
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I have not returned to my mat. My yoga practice has been on hold. First, because I injured my right shoulder (prob with a bad plank) and second, well, because I just haven't made the effort.<br />
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Let me get to painting. And to yoga.<br />
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<br />BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-64357657741844915522013-12-31T10:50:00.003-06:002013-12-31T10:50:53.235-06:00Goals and 2014It's the last day of 2013. It's been a great year.<br />
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I met my oldest sister.<br />
Traveled a lot (Vegas, twice. St. Louis. Los Angeles. San Bernardino. San Francisco. Road-tripping California. Texas.)<br />
Reconnected with Barbie.<br />
Re-started my yoga practice, and with that, found a great studio and community.<br />
Caught a lot of live music: Three music festivals - Wakarusa, LouFest, and Life if Beautiful. Naked and Famous. Walk the Moon. The Mogli's. The Killers. Imagine Dragons in Kansas City with 4 other bands. Janelle Monae. It was a great year in music.<br />
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For 2014, there are a few things I'd like to do:<br />
Lose 29 lbs by my 29th birthday (that would be roughly 0.4 lb per day)<br />
Make my yoga practice consistent<br />
Take time to paint (how about 1 painting per month) and sell my paintings.<br />
And read more (what, 6 books per year?)<br />
And I want to travel to Seattle to visit Stephen before the summer and to Indiana to visit Chris.<br />
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I also want to keep in touch with friends and family a lot more. With all the apps available, there is really no excuse.BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-42705344104459715592013-11-27T11:58:00.001-06:002013-11-27T11:58:16.364-06:00My daddy and his rain of commentsMy dad used to go to the cyber cafe to check his email and write to me and my siblings. And in the last few months of his life, to check his facebook. I knew exactly what days he went to get online, because I would find a ton of notifications on my fb page. Notifications of comments on my photos, mostly. I miss that. I miss communicating with him and hearing his voice. I miss the random, but sophisticated comments he would come up with. Some were so deep, some hilarious. Like when he said "Y ese travesti?" on the photo of me in Las Vegas next to a statue of Ceasar (wearing warrior clothing... so a skirt, basically). My daddy. One time he called me Papaya Hindu on a comment, because I was wearing a really bright orange shirt. <div>
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Fuck the holidays. They remind me that I'm not getting a call from him. That I don't have my father sending light to me, sending me his blessings. It breaks my heart. </div>
BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-79083104838008573182013-10-21T13:43:00.001-05:002013-10-21T13:43:22.940-05:00My father has been dead for a year and ten daysSomeone asked me if I loved my father. I find that to be a trick question. Why should I say that, yes, I did love him, when that has never changed. So the question is wrong. The questions should be if I've always loved him. But then it hit me. That the person meant if I loved him while he was alive.<br /><div>
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I struggle to talk about my dad. Always. I resent people who talk bad about him. I want to scream at them, really loud on their face, with a crazy face of my own, as to let them know that if they continue to talk shit I will hurt them, and that they don't want to get to that point. </div>
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I miss my dad. And I want to hear him. I want to talk to him and I want to say tell him that I love him. And I want my crazy, vivid dreams to be some kind of reality. Because we laugh together in my dreams. And I can see his drawings in my dreams. And I'm still a man's daughter in my dreams. </div>
BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-67546899072471766022013-08-21T10:03:00.000-05:002013-08-21T10:03:13.233-05:00There was a blue moon last nightAnd I received 18 roses (orange, pink, and lilac) from the boo. Just because. I smiled all afternoon after receiving them.<br />
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I am struggling with all the physical weight that I've been carrying. I am tired of it, but I'm impatient. I want it gone at once, but I know that is not the way it is.<br />
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I am awake and I am asleep.<br />
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Hot yoga wakes me up. Everything looks beautiful after practice.<br />
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I'm walking on dreams.<br />
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Yes.BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6162940.post-37139438881141867882013-07-30T11:22:00.000-05:002013-07-30T11:22:23.776-05:00Te extraño, PaAyer de repente empecé a cantar esa cancioncita que siempre nos cantaste, desde que me acuerdo. Así, sin darme cuenta.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Una estrellita en el cielo vi, dos estrellitas me ven a mi, tres y cuatro veo brillar..."</blockquote>
Y desde que me fije lo que estaba cantando, no he dejado de pensar en ti. Me haces mucha falta. Todavia no nos hemos dicho adios, ven a visitarme en sueños, porfis. Que no tengo espacio donde llorarte a gusto. No tengo donde. Y como lidiar con eso de que el ultimo abrazo que te dí fue hace cinco años? Se me hace un hoyo en el corazón... y se agranda hasta que llega al estomago. Quiza por ahi está el alma y se me escapa de vez en cuando.<br />
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Te extrano, papi.BEGThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09601884429216139368noreply@blogger.com0