Under the starts

I realized today that Summer is going by fast and that the end of it is only about 6 weeks away. I haven't counted, but I feel like I'm right when I say 6 weeks. While I was showering this evening I looked out the window, and saw the sun is now setting close to the mid point of my face. It left the right side of the fence little by little and it'll soon be on the left side of the fence... and it will be cold.

For a couple of weeks there, I slowed down on the summer on film thing. But I never stopped and now I've picked up the pace. I asked my mom to develop the rolls of film for me in the Winter, just in case something happens to me. I don't want those to go undeveloped. I'm starting to forget about the photos I've taken, and that makes me much more excited about the whole project.

Winter will be harsh. But I think to keep it alive, I will do a double exposure project on my own. That'd be fun.

I almost want to go sleep under the stars tonight. There's been a lot on my mind and I just want to feel the breeze. So many decisions. I've been thinking about it all a bit more than usual lately. I can live with a broken heart, but I can't fly without wings. I wonder what will happen. I don't understand why things are the way they are, but now I have nothing else to do but to deal with life as it's been handed to me.

"Our endless days are numbered"

Last year there was a postsecret postcard of a sunset with that phrase on it. I saved the photo and not too long ago I ran into it. I've been writing that phrase in pieces of paper or my hand, it's important that I don't take my life for granted. Days are just going away, so fast. I realized today that it is already the end of the month and that's just crazy.

There's so much love to give.

I read this post the other day and realized that, with the excuse of this weird limbo where I exist, I don't have a clear idea of where I want my life to go or who I want to be. I'm going to write a list of what I think I want, as if there were no obstacles. Here's to getting wings.

Thirst for words and summer mind don't mix

"Summer reading" is a term I just don't understand. To me, reading is an escape. Just the other day, I went with a friend to a park. We put a blanket on the grass and he got a Julio Cortazar book out. We read La Autopista del Sur together. It was great, the story took me everywhere the characters went and it made me feel everything they felt. That happens to me when I read, I become someone else and when I'm done, I'm left wondering who I am. That was a great read, but I only got through it cause we were reading together. If I had been reading on my own I would not have finished.

To me, summer is about being present (mostly outside). Feeling the sun burn your skin, feeling the water refresh it. Smelling the grass, the lake, the grill. Tasting the fresh produce, the water, the popsicles. Everything but reading. To me, reading is for winter; for those days I can't go outside because it's so damn cold it'd make me cry. But sitting with a book in the summer when I could be doing anything else? That just doesn't click in my head. Those "summer books"... those are for winter, to remind us that there is hope and the sun will shine again!

Yet, I'm soooo thirsty for words right now. It's a shame, because I have a pile of books I want to tackle. I'm thirsty for clever writing and maybe some giggles. Let's see if I pick up a book at some point again this summer. Maybe if it's with a friend, on a blanket at the park.

Songs on repeat

I have Mumford & Sons on repeat today.

Soothing. Lyrics made of gold.

There's only so much the heart can take. The body, the body is smarter. It knows what to do to heal. I was sick over the weekend and after throwing up, I'd get a cold sweat for a few moments. Moments that almost felt like the last moments, but it was just the body healing itself. Everything should be like that. Intense pain where needed and then moving on. But I keep mulling over all the what-ifs of my situation, instead of just getting up and walking out. Right now. Sometimes the solution seems to be right in front of me, so attainable and then it leaves me in this big-ass void. It leaves me wondering, too, who I've become and why.

8 years

How have I made it 8 years here? In the words of Ben Harper "...I need to change, I don't know how. Don't give up on me now."

Verano

The sun is out and we're alive! Today is Summer Solstice and there is just so much I want to do (outside of where I am... working hard on focusing on business, but failing to do so. let's hope this post helps me clear my mind of daydreams so I can become productive.)

This summer I want to do the following:
- Take photos (film summer, ya'll!)
- Not spend any full days at the house (day trips on the weeeeeeeeeekends!)
- Listen to lots of music.
- Spend time with people I love.
- Swim (starting this weekend.. Danville swimming yayness)
- Eat well (I plan to cut out buying bread. if I want it, i'll have to bake it myself omgchallenge!)
- Bike bike biiiiiiiiiike.

Here's to a beautiful season of the Sun.

Invisible

Except I'm here and it hurts. There goes my life, like sand in my hands.

Waka Waka Waka

I just got back from Wakarusa and it was awesome.
I got to see some of my fave bands live: Michael Franti & Spearhead, Mumford & Sons, Ben Harper & Relentless7, Ozomatli and so many other great ones. I also got to meet a bunch of artists; The guys from Kinetix, Raul Pacheco and Asdrubal Sierra from Ozomatli, Ben Lovett from Mumford & Sons, and Mat McHugh from The Beautiful Girls. I'm such a fan.