Papi

There was a certain loss of energy that was evident in my dad's voice that last time I called him. I miss him so much.

No one is giving me photos of him, or videos of him, or his drawings. I can't go through his photos, or his writings, or his clothes.

How do I mourn my papi from such distance?

The only thing I know is to escape. I don't want my birthday to be like Christmas eve or New Years eve. I don't want this overwhelming sadness. So, I bought a ticket to Las Vegas, that's where I will welcome my 28th year of life. My first one entirely without my dad. He would always call me on my birthday...

I'm leaving my mother and my boyfriend behind. And there's certain guilt that haunts me for it, but I have to escape. It's the only thing I know to do. Escape to avoid pain. I've gotten good at avoiding things and situations. I don't think it's a good thing, but right now it's serving me well.