Saturday, December 31, 2005

2005 mini-recount

Dear God,

Time has gone by so fast. Thank you for the opporunity to say I'm thankful for this year. Thank you for the life you've given me and all the blessings you let me enjoy in 2005.

Thank you because my family is complete and we have love and You. Thank you for keeping each one of my loved ones in your hands, thanks for taking care of them. Thank you for my dad and for helping him with all the complications he had this year. Thank you for my brothers and for their jobs... thank you for keeping them crazy and alive :) Thank you for my sisters, for their beauty and health. Thank you for my aunts and uncles, and my grandpa.

Thank you for the friends you've given me. Thank you for blessing me with their lives. Thank you for all the wonderful memories that I now have with me. Thank you for making us stronger.

Thank you for April's life. Please keep her family near Your heart, give them peace.

Let 2006 be better for everyone. Let us enjoy each moment, each minute, each month. Let me grow and learn more each day. Let me shine with your light in the life of others. Let us have peace in this world.


Thursday, December 29, 2005

2005/2006 tagged by Alanis

HA! She didn't tag me, but I'm pretending she did :)

A few questions for you, about 2005...

--what were your favorite moments of 2005?
I have many... specially when looking at the big picture. My debut art show was fantastic. Also spending time down in Hope, AR with April and her family. Also going to Washington DC for the AAUW student conference, it opened my eyes to many things that I had overlooked.

--favorite books, movies, articles, tv shows, live performances?
Book: Skirting Tradition. Very powerful. Didn't read much this year...
Movie: The Motorcycle Diaries, Crash
TV Shows: Project Runway

--what are you the most proud of in this last year?
To say that I have people who I love and love me back.

--what do you forgive yourself for?
Not making enough time to study and taking that way too serious.

--what are you deeply grateful for?
The time I'm given in this life. I'm so grateful for having real friends and such an amazing family that loves me.

--what are the biggest differences for you between last December to this one?
I'm one amazing friend short... and I miss her so very much.
I've grown. I'm more critical of things now. Before I used to just swallow all the information that came to me. Last year I also had LONG hair... I'm talking about 15-20 inches long.

--did you have enough fun this year?

--did you say no often enough?

--did you say yes often enough?
Way too often. There are things that I didn't need to get involved with and I did, even thought I didn't have much time to do them. I took risks and got to experience new things, got to visit new places and that was great. I took officer positions and that was wise.... I'm a better, more responsible person because of that.

A few questions about 2006...

--what excites you the most about this coming year?
The opportunities that come with my Junior year at the UA. New friends. More chances to grow and be better. Many many blank canvas.

--what new thing will you try (big or small) that you've never tried before?
I don't know... I guess I have to come up with something soon.

--what new commitments can you make to yourself?
I have to make more time for fun and friends and family. I have to be more disciplined and lose weight.

--what would this year have to include for it to end, in December 2006, on a fulfilled, happy note?
A boyfriend... maybe... maybe a great opportunity in the art world. Maybe a more skinny me.

--what do you see yourself benefiting from doing more of... less of?
More reading, more art, focusing more, reading the news more.
Less junk food, less talk, less time online. No coke.

--any visions for this coming year for your expression or evolution?
I see myself changing the way volunteering is at the UA. I see myself painting more often and with more passion. I see myself reading more... learning more.

--anything that scares you that you know you're going to do?
An internship.

--any new thing you can put into place that will support you better? New resources, friends, support system?
I don't know.

--anything you'd like to do less of, or stop doing altogether (that you won't beat yourself up for it you don't)?
Worrying for freakin' grades.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Alanis Morissette -- I have to finish my room

Many that know me, know that Alanis Morissette is my fave artist... and that the only productions of hers I don't have are "Feast on Scraps" and the new DVD of "VH1 Storytellers: Alanis Morissette."
Well, this is her most recent journal entry. I'll answer her questions... after I finish putting together my room. That'll be before 2005 is over. So I better get to it. Here's Alanis' entry:

December 23rd, 2005

Hi each,
Just checking in as we approach official holiday time...
And wishing you each the greatest of times with your family, friends or selves throughout this season.
Been thinking about you a lot lately..
And how I can serve you best..what form that will take in the new year..
I’ll be diving in, in the new year, to write a new record
And later in the year start on my first book...
A great gift to express in this way, and I offer whatever I create to you in the hopes that it will continue to support you in your journeys
A few questions for you, about 2005...
--what were your favorite moments (they can ‘big’ or sweetly mundane) of 2005?
--favorite books, movies, articles, tv shows, live performances?
--what are you the most proud of in this last year?
--what do you forgive yourself for?
--what are you deeply grateful for?
--what are the biggest differences for you between last December to this one? (example: are you in a different place geographically, spiritually,
emotionally, physically, do you feel better, worse, do you feel more experienced at something?)
--did you have enough fun this year?
--did you say no often enough?
--did you say yes often enough?
I offer these questions to you and any that you come up with yourself as a way to find as much clarity as you can as you reflect on this last
year... I find clarity leads to a great sense of peace and empowerment for me. And when I just take a few minutes to reflect and throw some personal goals out about the future, I get very inspired...
A few questions about 2006...
--what excites you the most about this coming year?
--what new thing will you try (big or small) that you’ve never tried before?
--what new commitments can you make to yourself?
--what would this year have to include for it to end, in December 2006, on a fulfilled, happy note?
--what do you see yourself benefiting from doing more of... less of?
--any visions for this coming year for your expression or evolution?
--anything that scares you that you know you’re going to do?
--any new thing you can put into place that will support you better? New resources, friends, support system?
--anything you’d like to do less of, or stop doing altogether (that you won’t beat yourself up for it you don’t)?
I support any ritual or informal moment that can mark the end of this phase and honor and pave a new one as we transition into a new chapter.
May you be surrounded by support (even internally, if you’re on your own), be filled with gentleness, and have some juicy time to yourself to reflect on how great (or wild) it is to be alive.
Yay for us!!!
Love you,

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Too much talk is no good

I need to paint again... it's been long.
And well, since I'm not painting, I'll say this:

We, most humans, tend to talk too much. I'm getting tired of listening to people talk more than they think... I say that because every day I hear people discuss things without really thinking over what they say and where they stand on different issues.

This whole "Happy Holidays" vs. "Merry Christmas" deal has me tired. It does not matter how you greet people during this season if in your heart you're still the same. The point of Christmas is to celebrate that God sent His Son to this planet for us because of his extreme love... not to buy presents to others, or sing songs that will stick in your head for weeks after the season, or to decorate your house with a million lights, or to make children believe that a big old guy with a red suit exists for everyone. Now that's what Christmas is all about these says because we have commercialized it to this point. If you want to change something, change that. Change the fact that some people don't even take the time to reflect on the true meaning of these celebrations. Don't fight with others because they want to make everyone feel welcomed in the store by saying "Happy Holidays" so people would go in and buy a bunch of stuff to give away to their loved ones... that's just another way to SELL more.

It just makes me mad every time I hear someone trying to fight over this and then see the same person turn around and talk trash about somebody else. It's time to live like we mean to.

Felices Fiestas, everyone. Celebrate whatever you want... just let your loved ones know that you loved them... you don't have to wrap that one.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Thanking J-Star for the new template

Do you like my new template?! Me too!!!

Thanks to J-Star for pimping up my blog!!!
I love it!!! I needed something new already. I'd used the other template since I created my blog (which now feels ages ago). Thank you, J-chica :) I really like it!!!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

IHOP time cause we have time

I'm enjoying my break from school oh-so-much. I'm working full time but there's nothing like coming home thinking I have
And well, reality is that these thoughts of mine make realize that I have premature senioritis. Oh, yeah... that or I'm really just frustrated with the grade I got on Film Lecture. I loved the class, I learned so much, and STILL I got a bad grade. The first bad one I get in college. Bummer.

I got so depressed for like... one hour.

Anyway, Sunday was IHOP time with J-a and J-o. It was fun hanging out with them. Here's a picture of them:

And here one of me and J-a and my new pink jacket I got on sale (i know, so ridiculously good looking!):

I've been reading for pleasure, watching movies, watching nip tuck and project runway, taking pictures, trying to organize my room, doing some thinking... relaxing :)

On a different note, something happened today. When I tell people (or they find out) that I'm from El Salvador I usually hear this: "Hey I know someone from El Salvador" or "Hey, I have a friend from El Salvador, she lives..." Yeah... because I know EVERYBODY in El Salvador. But today was different, we were talking about church and stuff, specifically about a class called Perspectives, and I said something about how I wanted to take the class in El Salvador. And then, my coworker of tells me that she knows someone from El Salvador that wanted to start one of those classes. And then she continues "Linda Grace Carcamo" "WHAT?!" I say with my eyes opened real big... Linda was my friend. I knew her since I was little. She died a couple of years ago. We talked about her a little. It's the first time that something like this happens to me.

Oh, this is a small world... And people like Linda, Maria Ines, April and my gramma will just shine forever. It got me thinking about what am I leaving behind every step I take.

What are you leaving behind?

I need to take time to THINK. And I don't mean right now or just think about some things. I mean everyday. I need to take time to reflect everyday on everything. Life, news, opinions, books, silly stuff, others... No matter how busy or how tired I am. That's how one grows.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Night of lights

Yesterday was my office's xmas party. Dinner and a show at the Walton Arts Center. It was nice... I took my cousin with me. We had fun. I don't think I've even had a change to spend time with her like last night. We went to the square after the show.

Every xmas they put a bunck of ligths all over the square and it's nice to go for a walk (even when it's freezing outside) and take some pictures. So that's what we did, we went for a walk (even when it was freezing outside) and took some pictures.

On another note: MY BEST FRIEND IS HERE! Well, not here... but here in the States. She's come to visit her dad in CA. She came for xmas 2003 and we met. I went to visit to CA and we had a great time. I haven't seen her since then, hopefully she'll come here to see me :)

Thursday, December 15, 2005

A "Bravo!" for Maria Sanchez

by Maria Sanchez
Maria Sanchez is a Salvadoran artist I came across not too long ago. In the short time I've known of her art she has evolved as an artist and a person. She's a mother, a wife, works full time, and maintains a couple of websites up. She's the visionary that gave life to and dreams of transforming it on an organization that empowers other latina young artists to succeed in their love for art. What I think she doesn't realize is that she's already doing that...

She's having her first solo exhibit at La Raza Galeria Posada in Sacramento, CA. The exhibit will be up until Jan 2.

Congratulations Maria!!! Keep on shining, sister!!!

Xmas shopping and dreams

I'm still thinking about my one dream. I've been thinking about it for the last couple of days. I started my shopping this week, no clue what to get to anyone.... I'm so bad with gifts and shopping. I'm missing the shopper gene.

I went to different stores and didn't find anything nice... then I went to Barnes & Noble and bought books for many people... they will either love it or hate it. Like my sister, I asked her what she wanted for xmas (after I had bought her a book) and she said she wants Shakira's new CD... so I asked "Don't you want a book?" and she said... in the funniest tone "GURL!!! No!!!" hahahahaha~ I'll buy her the CD. I'll keep the book!

Anyway, a longest and deepest in thought post later this week. Happy shopping (and good luck with the traffic!)

Tuesday, December 13, 2005


Do you know what your dream is?!

Do you have any idea what would make you the happiest on earth?!

Do you, do you?!

Currently: doing some reflection.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

30 things not many people know about me

Ok, so I don't have 30 things to tell... I only have 12. I guess I'm an open book. And if people don't hear it from me or see it on what I do, they can always come and read it here. Dang, there will never be a book entitled "The Secret Life of B" cause I'm just me all the time. So here's the list (in no particular order):

1. I've never been in a serious relationship.
2. It terrifies me that I might not be good in art. Every time somebody asks me for a design I'm very afraid they'll think it's crap.
3. I used to walk, talk and smile in my sleep.
4. I don't like people reading my poems.
5. I'm a feminist.
6. I'm one in a thousand. I was born with the "clubfoot" defect in my right foot (pie equino varo). My older brother has is on his left foot... so we know for sure that it was my dad's genes that were messed up. And so I had my first surgery when I was 3 months old and then a couple more when I was in 2nd grade (7 yrs old).
7. Because of the surgery I have some ugly scars in my foot that I don't like to show... because I don't like people asking me what they are.
8. The sight and the smell of the steam in the shower in winter reminds me of my time in Mexico City in December 2001.
9. As a kid, my dad used to take us on the weekends to his house with my siblings. I used to cry at night because I wanted to see my mom. Maybe I thought he'd never take us back to the house... I don't know why that was. That changed as I got older, and now I look back and think of how much more I could have enjoyed.
10. I have a great long-term memory. I can tell you exactly what someone said/did when I first met him/her in most of the cases. No matter how long ago.
11. I've lived through war. And I have many memories of shooting, being afraid, not coming out of the house, using the mattresses to block the windows...
12. I'm very spiritual, although not religious. I've never been religious, I've been very involved in church in the past, but I've always known the purpose of things I do. Contrary to those that just do things because... they're supposed to.

SOOOO... I'm tagging some people on this. Ya'll can come up with 12 things or 30... as many as you want, let's just say 12 is the minimum. J-star, Coco, MS, and Pippo (if you ever read this).

Friday, December 09, 2005

Finals time: long nights, lots of caffeine and... snow?!

It feels as if I had bricks instead of shoulders. I need a massage or something! It snowed the night before last and it was so cold in the morning! The streets were all covered in snow/ice and so it took me a little longer to get to campus.... yep... it took me an hour... ONE HOUR... I was so late for my first final, which was scheduled at 7:30 am. I think I did good though. Anyway... I took a really bad picture of campus that day. Here's for you.

And well... going to my first exam that morning I got to the classroom and I realized I didn't have a bluebook with me! I had left it in the car, so I had to go back to the union and get one. I went back to the classroom and by the time I got there I couldn't feel my face and I was so cold I didn't even care that I was about to take an essay exam scheduled from 7:30 - 9:30 am in just 40 minutes. Because on top of me being late because of the snow and the traffic (cause heck, I wasn't driving thru the freeway that day!) I had to go get the bluebook. So I got to the classroom like at 8:45 am. I know... sweet.

Oh well... it all worked out at the end. And at least I didn't fall on my butt that day. I was walking extra careful :) More on my life later on. Right now I'm tired and have to do some stuff around the house. Here's a picture of my feet. I know... random.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Can I graduate tomorrow, please!

Man this has been quite a semester. I'm drained. Long week with so many things. I posted this picture on 2004 and I thought it was appropriate for me to post it once again. Now let me go look for that mountain top to shout out how I'm feeling about school right now.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Orange juice for breakfast

I went a long time without updating... and the thing is that I didn't even feel the weeks go by. This semester went by so fast. Pretty surreal. All the things that happened. The good, the bad, the ugly, the lazy, the crazy, the sweet, the bitter, the bittersweet, and all. I've been thinking a lot about so many things that it would be too long of a post if I were to list them all.

Last few days have been blue. With finals, work, moving, and classes I've found myself a little stressed. I haven't touch my art supplies since she left. Well, not including when I had to pack everything last week when we moved to the new house. Thursday and Friday were strange... I don't want to say they were bad, because they were not. They were just strange. I've been missing April and Pauli. I haven't talk to Pauli since before we moved... and it's been a little longer with April. I sent a note to her family and got a note back. I couldn't even finish reading it. It was a bit overwhelming. I've been thinking of her family because with the holidays I know it'd be so hard to live, to enjoy without her. I constantly hear April... I can hear her saying what she used to say... with her cute southern accent. I get sad. I try hard not to, but sometimes I can't handle all this inside me.

I met with my two beautiful friends for coffee on Friday. We didn't have coffee, but it was good having that time. We didn't talk about her... I know we all wanted to, but we didn't.
She was the only one missing from the group. We talked about life and how we're planning to survive until we graduate. We want to graduate SO bad... SO soon. We'll have coffee next time. Sometimes talking is enough... sometimes even just sitting together does it for us. I'm the clown of the group, but I wasn't too much fun yesterday. We were all so tired, drained.

I wanted to write some more but I have so much to do. I have to get all my things out of the boxes and put my all my books on the shelf. I have to make my room MY room... although I think all the pictures and paintings will probably go up after I'm done with finals.

I have only one A in my pocket right now. JUST ONE. How lame. That's in arts, of course. I'm feeling good about the last project on that class. I wasn't happy with it at the beginning. Partly because I had no freaking clue what I wanted to do for it. But I got it together. Not quite done yet, but it'll be for Monday. On the other final on Monday I need to get a 100 on the test to get an A on the class. If I get a 99 I get a B. Grades are BS, I know... but I needed the 4.0 this semester. I've enjoyed the classes though, I just didn't do well on the tests... I'm better with projects and papers than with tests... unless they're essay tests, then I'm good.

And, ok, what is it with me singing Mrs Robinson?! I don't understand, but I'm starting to enjoy it. Scary. "What's that you say Mrs Robinson..." blah... I don't even know all the lyrics. And well that was it. A more positive post will come soon. Maybe I just need a new cute template like J Star's (hint hint) How did you put your photo on the background?

Well, my dear readers, have a wonderful weekend!
"You're only given a little spark of madness. You must not lose it!"
-- Robin Williams

And here's to you Mrs. Robinson!

I have no clue as of why in the world I have this sond stuck in my head. Yep, I've been singing "Mrs Robinson" all day.
So here's to YOU, so you'll leave me alone.