Friday, October 12, 2012

Mi papi

Hoy por la mañana, mientras cae una tormenta helada, he recibido las noticias que he temido desde que me vine a este país, sin forma de volver a mi tierra, y se me ha quebrado el alma.

Me habló mi hermano, Mario.. el Tike, con voz sombría, y me dijo que mi papá falleció ayer.

Sunday, October 07, 2012

Necesito un GPS de vida

I am currently lost.

I had been dreaming of lasik surgery for a few years, but that dream was shot. I was turned down for surgery this past week. Turns out, March 8, 2009 changed my life in more ways than one.

So now that I'm stuck to a pair of glasses for the rest of my life, or at least a few more years until there is a new development in lasik surgery business, I found myself sad and with nowhere to go. I'm pretty sure the drop in temperature from 80F to 33F has also something to do with this mood. I do know I want to make my life meaningful, but I don't know how. I used to have dreams of becoming things... college administrator, doctor, graphic artist, concert photographer. But my dreams have been dying one by one over the last 7 years. I'm bummed out and I don't know where to start rebuilding right now.

I have about 12 blank canvases around the house and I haven't even found the colors to paint them. This hasn't happened before. Ever. I need to rescue mysel. But I think this time I will allow myself to mourn the loss of these dreams that have died. I never allow myself to mourn anyone or anything. I hope I find something in those unexplored emotions that will kick me back to life.

Monday, October 01, 2012


October 15th will mark a year since the last time I hugged my nephew and niece. My mom told me yesterday that she spoke on the phone with my nephew and he asked if she was at her house with "una amiga." She told him she lived with tia Berthis. "Tia Berthis? Ahhh... Where is tia Berthis?"

He didn't remember me.

He didn't remember me.

And if he didn't, how could I expect my niece to?

I called my daddy today. It was good to hear his voice. He was in Monzón and noted how it was Barbie's birthday the day he called. He remembered a little later. I love him. I wish my sister would talk to him too, I bet it hurts him.