Sunday, October 07, 2012

Necesito un GPS de vida

I am currently lost.

I had been dreaming of lasik surgery for a few years, but that dream was shot. I was turned down for surgery this past week. Turns out, March 8, 2009 changed my life in more ways than one.

So now that I'm stuck to a pair of glasses for the rest of my life, or at least a few more years until there is a new development in lasik surgery business, I found myself sad and with nowhere to go. I'm pretty sure the drop in temperature from 80F to 33F has also something to do with this mood. I do know I want to make my life meaningful, but I don't know how. I used to have dreams of becoming things... college administrator, doctor, graphic artist, concert photographer. But my dreams have been dying one by one over the last 7 years. I'm bummed out and I don't know where to start rebuilding right now.

I have about 12 blank canvases around the house and I haven't even found the colors to paint them. This hasn't happened before. Ever. I need to rescue mysel. But I think this time I will allow myself to mourn the loss of these dreams that have died. I never allow myself to mourn anyone or anything. I hope I find something in those unexplored emotions that will kick me back to life.

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