Thursday, December 30, 2010

Every day is a holy day (12/30/10)

Today's date is 12/30/10. When I first saw those numbers down on a piece of paper, I felt like something amazing needed happen today so I could remember it forever. Because I thought the numbers went together beautifully. I'm not much of a numbers person, at least not all the time. I do like 8 and 10. And I like 3. And I always notice 12:12 on the clock. But other than those, I don't pay that much attention to numbers. I never add things up or count the number of letters in names or phrases. And yet today's date made me pause. I even wrote it on my hand. I don't know what drew me to those numbers, because I can't think of anything of great significance to me that happened on this date.

But with that, I lived my day looking for that something amazing that would make it extraordinary. And it's 10:30pm as I type this and I can only think of wonderful moments filling my day today:
I left work early, I went for a walk with a friend and shared some stories with him, I walked by that place at Lake Fayetteville that takes me to the sound of the waves, the weather was perfect (thanks to a very welcome heat wave), I found an apple in my bag (from yesterday) and I ate it and it was perfect, I came home and got on my bici to go for a ride around my neighborhood. Then while I was out riding I saw some gold in the sky. A hidden sunset behind winter clouds. That's when it hit me, it came with the cool wind, every day is a holy day.

I got back from my bike ride and went to the back yard to catch the last rays of the sun. I took a couple of photos and then came in the house and called Sandy, for a little catch up. Querido Diario talks, that's what we call them. I did yoga, I talked to my tia Ceci, I talked to Sandy again and planned lunch with Darby tomorrow.

I wanted to process a lot of photos tonight, but after a day so refreshing, I think I'll pass on the processing.

I'll write a postcard for Pau and a letter for Mauri. Then off to bed.

Life is beautiful, let's celebrate it every day.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

On the phone with dad

It's been two years since I thought I killed this blog. I stopped posting because that's what I needed. I thought the blog wasn't "going" anywhere, so I walked away.

I now realize that I was the one that felt trapped. But a few days ago I looked at old posts and realized this blog was never meant to GO anywhere. It was just drawing the lines of the paths I was walking, drawing my journey. When I walked in circles, it went in circles; when I walked a straight line, it went straight; when I levitated, it went up right along me (was that too much? ok, pues)

That's when I decided I would start writing again. The posts I read over a few days ago gave me an idea of who I was, and it became relevant-- It highlighted the things that were important to me at those times, the people that were helping me create myself, the lessons I was learning. Why not keep documenting a life?

I haven't stopped documenting. Memory is important to me, so I'm always collecting stories, images, parts of conversations, times and dates, songs, places, sunsets. It's a beautiful thing, memory. But it fades. So I'll write what's important.

I'm really glad I decided to keep this blog from being an outlet for rants and hate. I'm glad I never wrote anything negative about anyone. I can tell if I was upset, and I remember events behind some posts, but I see I tried to process instead of just letting things out. That will be the same. Because at the end of a life, we remember the good and the bad usually fades away into a part of memory where we don't like to reach. I've been documenting the good. This year I worked on the 365 project with Anna (we both took a photo/day from Dec 01, 09 - Nov 30, 2010) and on the correspondence project with Pauli (she wrote me letters, I sent her postcards). I kept journals when I traveled. I've taken many photos. I got a tattoo. I've been drawing and I started painting again this year. I've tweeted (it's also a way to keep track of life). I've written emails to friends and family. But this blog, it calls my name. It helps the words flow.

I just got off the phone with my dad in El Salvador. I don't call him very often, but I need to. It breaks my heart to say goodbye to him over the phone, because I never know when I'll be able to hug him again. But I shouldn't let the harsh goodbyes keep me from calling to say hello.

My dad and I, we talked about our Christmas celebrations-- miles away from each other. He told me about my brothers (Isaac and Mario) and how Isaac swallowed a coin today and he spent a great amount of time at the hospital (Isaac is fine-- my dad said he might have pooped the coin HAHA). He told me it's been cold in El Salvador and when he last saw my family. I updated him on my sisters and brother in the States-- of the last time I saw them, if they are working, if they are OK, if they love someone, how Barbie's babies are. I also told him about my art exhibits and talks this year. He told me he thought very highly of my art-- he told me the various layers of my painting are divine and we talked about Frida Kahlo. He told me he has some of my drawings hanging on his walls, a couple of my works on paper. He loves it, my art. And he told me my cousin is a bit big "parece Buddha." My papi is funny. He didn't rub my cousin's belly; he said he rather send an email for good fortune.

My mom told me to call him, before Christmas. She's also been pointing out my Gutierrezness... I do this just like my dad, I say that just like him, oh he does that too. Family runs much deeper in us than we know. We're the mixture of extraordinary individuals (my parents are extraordinary, my grandparents are extraordinary). My name comes from both of my grandmas. My abuelita (Eugenia) was extraordinary, such an amazing woman. And I'm sure my abuelita Bertha was too.

And just like that, I'm writing here again.

I'm thirsty for a sunset over the Pacific. Each beautiful sunset-- Transient paintings in the sky. Infinite love ∞ (thought I sent out to the world of the internets through twitter today)