Monday, June 20, 2016

Today is Summer Solstice. The longest, brightest day of the year. 
Today is also full moon, rising on Sagitarious. 
What a magical day. 

The Summer Day
By Mary Oliver
 
Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean—
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down—
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

Monday, March 28, 2016

I do.

I am so tired of online dating. For quite a few months now (most of 2015 and what goes of 2016) I've been in and out of dating sites. It's exhausting for my soul.
This is how it's been happening: I create a profile, pick good photos, answer questions, do some write ups, and start to look at other profiles. Then I reply to some messages, most of them go unanswered because they are just "Hey." Then I meet one or two people in person. And I get tired and delete the profile. Men seem to have more balls to talk like imbeciles online than they do in real life. I have put several of those dudes in their place, but that also gets exhausting and, frankly, I doubt it's helping.
Last year I met someone decent. We carried a good conversation and then he came to visit me. He lives to far away. We kept talking, but then he made plans to visit and then flaked out in three different occasions. We kept talking until we didn't. I liked him. But that was stupid.

I started to read a book I got for $2 at a goodwill. A really good book by Tracy McMillan. It's shaken a lot of my views on myself and has awaken me. But then last week, while I still had a dating app on my phone, I watched her TED Talk. And I ended up in tears. I'm choosing to marry myself right now.

There's a lot of people that find love online. My best friend included. So it's valid, and it's cool. But I've never wanted that to be my story. I crave a different kind of magic. Magic that starts by committing to myself. And I do. I do now. I do forever. I do. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poor, in sickness and in health, until death do us apart.

Friday, September 25, 2015

About a man

“You haven’t given me much idea of __________. Would he object to your working—outside the house I mean? Excluding personal charm, which I assume, and the more conventional virtues which go with success in business, is he his own man? Has he any force of character? Or imagination and generosity? Does he read books? Has he any leaning toward the arts and sciences or anything beyond creature comfort and duck-shooting? In short, has he the possibilities of growth that would make a lifetime with him seem attractive? These things don’t appear later—they are either there latently or they will never be there at all.” 
- F. Scott Fitzgerald
What a good letter. My dad didn't give me much advice about men. He showed me how to live life for myself, and I think that is indirect advice on men -- that I shouldn't wait or want someone to come make my life better, that it is my right and my responsibility to do so myself.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Lo leí por ahi

Me preocupa la gente que dice que anda buscando el amor, como si el amor ya estuviera por ahí listo y terminado. Como si existiera un amor enlatado, un producto diseñado que eliges en algún escaparate. Se han creído el cuento del amor prefabricado que nos venden en las películas de domingo en la noche o que nos cantan en la radio. Uno no busca el amor, uno lo construye... - Carlos Arturo García Bonilla

Tuesday, August 04, 2015

Dismissed

That's how I feel right now. I asked my best friend if she's mad at me because of something that happened last week, after which she's been very short on contact with me. So I asked this morning. In a text message. She said no, in the same short manner she's been answering me for over a week. And then, a bit later, she sent a big message saying she didn't want to think about my question because it brought her negative energy and she didn't want to deal with drama.

She's been trying to cut off the drama from her life. 

But in my understanding, drama is not the situations that you front or the conversations that you do or do not have, but rather the attitude you have when dealing with those situations or having those conversations. 

So I felt dismissed. 

A bit like I've felt all these years, waiting for a fix to that which is out of my control. 


Wednesday, January 28, 2015

The meaning of gone

At the mention of waves,
you came to me.
The sea
it brings you to me.
All the moments in my head
came to me
like a tsunami.
One after the other.
At night, when you taught me
that saltwater heals.
At sunset, when you taught me to float
to be free
and let the sea rock me.
At noon, when we swam at high tide
with fish and fishermen by our side
when I went over your head
and you felt my feet above your head.
In the morning,
when the tide was low
and the walk to the water seemed eternal.
I will always miss you, papi.
And the sea will always bring me to you.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

"5 days of" in 2015

This year I decided to do several things instead of new year's resolutions.
I have some big things
and I have some little things.

The big things:
- I'm translating my favorite book to English
- I'm eating healthier
- I'm speaking things into existence
- I'm painting more

The little things:
I am doing 5 day challenges. I wrote a whole bunch of things on pieces of paper and put them in an empty tissue box where I pull out a new one on Monday (or Tuesday, if I'm not in the office on Monday) and then I have my challenge for the week. I'm posting them on instagram under #5DaysOf2015
So far, I have gotten this done:
- Mailed 5 handwritten notes
- Discovered 5 new bands
and this week is - 5 days of yoga
This is all in an effort of making my weekdays count. The years, after college, have just been going too fast. I think it's because I get stuck in routines. They are lame. I'm shaking things up.

Monday, December 29, 2014

Ending 2014 in a good note

I shouted out to God, to the Universe, to the air.
I told no one what I wanted, out loud. 
I told myself. 
And it came to me. 
It came quick and big. 
A tsunami wave of what I asked for.

Words have power.