Hello September

This month is bringing about many changes I've been asking for, and it's going by as fast as time tends to go by when there's great things happening.

I'm saying goodbye to things, to people, and to places that have come to make my life what it is now. Change is good. This change is good. And needed. And the most beautiful part of it all is that I have absolutely no idea what is coming for me. I have no idea how I will make things happen, but I know that I am not alone and that it will happen. This jump I'm taking is worth my happiness.

The changes I've been making in my life for the best part of this year have been worth it, even if they have brought about slow results. I have learned to be persistent and enjoy the journey. I have learned to fight moment to moment and to love myself (and to hold myself) no matter what happens.

I'm incredibly thankful for everything that has been given to me. I am thankful for the life I am given every moment and thankful for the powerful love that surrounds me, in the shape of my mother, my sisters, my brothers, my nieces and nephews, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, my dear friends, and my funny cat.

The trees, trails, rivers, and roads that surround me now will always have a special place in my heart. I will miss the rain and the changes in the seasons. I will not miss the allergies. But here I am. Ready for what's next. Ready to keep fighting this amazing battle that has been my life, but now, so excited to do it.

"A veces habrá que abrir la ventana y tirar todo a la calle, pero sobre todo hay que tirar también la ventana, y nosotros con ella... es la muerte o salir volando... por amor a la felicidad." -- Julio Cortázar

Today is Summer Solstice. The longest, brightest day of the year. 

Today is also full moon, rising on Sagitarious. 

What a magical day. 

The Summer Day
By Mary Oliver

 

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean—
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down—
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

I do.

I am so tired of online dating. For quite a few months now (most of 2015 and what goes of 2016) I've been in and out of dating sites. It's exhausting for my soul.
This is how it's been happening: I create a profile, pick good photos, answer questions, do some write ups, and start to look at other profiles. Then I reply to some messages, most of them go unanswered because they are just "Hey." Then I meet one or two people in person. And I get tired and delete the profile. Men seem to have more balls to talk like imbeciles online than they do in real life. I have put several of those dudes in their place, but that also gets exhausting and, frankly, I doubt it's helping.
Last year I met someone decent. We carried a good conversation and then he came to visit me. He lives to far away. We kept talking, but then he made plans to visit and then flaked out in three different occasions. We kept talking until we didn't. I liked him. But that was stupid.

I started to read a book I got for $2 at a goodwill. A really good book by Tracy McMillan. It's shaken a lot of my views on myself and has awaken me. But then last week, while I still had a dating app on my phone, I watched her TED Talk. And I ended up in tears. I'm choosing to marry myself right now.

There's a lot of people that find love online. My best friend included. So it's valid, and it's cool. But I've never wanted that to be my story. I crave a different kind of magic. Magic that starts by committing to myself. And I do. I do now. I do forever. I do. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poor, in sickness and in health, until death do us apart.