I needed to write

Age is irrelevant. Ask me how many sunsets I've seen, hearts I've loved, trips I've taken, or concerts I've been to. That's how old I am. - Joelle.  

I take my time with sunsets, the moon, the stars, the clouds, the colors of the cacti and all the plants with the names I can't never remember. I like to feel the grass between my toes and under the soles of my feet, the sand too, and cold rainwater hitting my head under a summer storm. I scream of happiness when I see rainbows. I love live music, it takes me places. I've met so many strangers and made tiny connections while sharing a laugh, or a high five, or a hug, or a dance to our favorite song, or tears. And I love my family more than anything, our blood stronger than the ocean's tides. I've walked streets and trails in cities and towns I hadn't even dreamed of... The colorful calles of Antigua, San José, Managua, Coyoacán, Oaxaca, Portland, Seattle, New Orleans, Detroit, St. Louis, D.C., Denver, Chicago, all over California, Arkansas, Missouri, Florida... How could I have ever dreamed of the places which names I couldn't even pronounce?

I've hugged trees since I can remember and rested under them looking up their branches and leaves. We're all connected. I've felt the earth shake under my feet, my heart gone quiet for seconds, felt the loss of others and felt my loses too: abuelita, abuelitos, my dad, my friends. Sorrow and love, the vacancy and fullness of both. I've loved and been loved. I've written, painted, drawn, built, and gotten lost in the power of each moment. I love sunsets more than sunrises, we all have favorites. I've cried at concerts and walked until I couldn't take one more step. I'm a daughter, a sister, and aunt, an a servant to my cat most days. I can name all my nephews and nieces and I will never be a mother. I'm a friend. A good friend. I have a bad temper, and patience is torturous, maybe because I've had to wait too long already for so much. But I found yoga and music and they keep me calm.

Dwayne rescued my heart when he came to my life during a sunset in a cold January in Arkansas. Injustice makes my blood boil. I'm not an angel, no matter how much good I've done. I don't know if this is a manifesto or a confession, but "32" doesn't quite translate into this life I've lived and it looks like I needed to write.