Thursday, February 17, 2011

There is something divine in tears

I don't like to cry. I especially don't like others to see me cry. But sometimes tears come out because they must. It's been a challenging week and I've cried several times. I've managed to not let any tears show, so no one has asked me what's wrong or why are my eyes so little. Yesterday was the worst... I wasn't sure I'd finish the day at the office, but I did. Today wasn't much better, but I got to leave early so I had more time to recoup. The moonrise was beautiful. The full moon reminds me of my sis L since October when I was there and we watched my last sunset over sea, which was magically followed by the full moon rising. She was so happy, so full of the moon's energy. She even told me I could keep the sun, that the moon was her girl. So this evening at dusk, when the moon was rising I had to pull over and take a photo and send it to her. She did the same, 2 hrs later, when the moon was rising on her time zone.

Every day this week I've wanted to call my dad, but after losing my phone and all my contacts I wasn't able to find his phone until today. I wanted to talk to him about that situation that has been driving me insane for so long, and ask his opinion of it... looking for some light, since I don't get any from my mom. I called him just now and we talked for about 15 minutes, not too long, as always. We're like that. We're not good on the phone. And I couldn't get the words out. I'm drowning on this and I couldn't ask him for advice. The words didn't come out, he was distracted by my little brother who kept coming on the phone to tell me to say hi to this person and that person. Cute, but didn't help my heavy heart... still heavy after the call. I'm really tired. March is coming and my days feel like dry sand in my hands.

Time to refocus. See the light in all the darkness.

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