Midnight call

I keep thinking I need to talk to you
right now
and at midnight
the first moment of Christmas day
and for new year's
I have to spend the first minute of the new year
listening to you,
the whimsical voice of a few years of my youth,
wishing you a happy year
you, the friend.
the eternal friend.
and I think of the conversations we had
at the stroke of midnight.
a phone call
made tradition
made peace.

BEGutierrez

Every year, on christmas eve and new year's ever, right at 11:59 pm I think of a pending phone call. So I wrote a poem...

When the voice is gone

I can't sleep and I can't talk.

This is the third day of my sickness and I still don't think my body has decided if it's a cold, the flu, or strep throat. And while my body decides I just hurt.
I have taken very little medicine, because I know when your body gets down is because it needs it. I just need some rest, and a little more tea... although the night-time thing I took last night helped with the cough all night.

Te de limon con miel. That's about I need to ease the pain and feel like I can talk again, although when I open my mouth no sound comes from it. I was just talking a few hours ago when a friend came over for a visit with her little boy, Jonah. But as the night is going, I don't see myself talking much tomorrow (well, actually, today). I hope I can still go to the basketball game at the university.

Let's see if I survive with no voice tomorrow. I take things for granted until I need them and they're gone. I need my blanket. And another sip of tea.. :(

About me.

I think it's gotten easier to describe ourselves. And call me lame, but I think it's because of the networking websites that these generations, starting with mine, are exposed to. Every single "about me" section is there for you to fill out. You can write as much or as little as you like. As deep or as superficial as you like. You can be mysterious, you can be honest, you can be you or someone else. You can say what you want to say... thinking people will read it, or wanting people to read it, or thinking nobody will read it. You can leave it blank of fill it with a prayer, five thousand quotes, your favorite verse, your nickname, random words, etc.

About me.

It's gotten easier to say it, to write it out. But has it gotten easier to actually define a person? To define oneself? I think not. I think it's rather harder. But with the words we believe describe us, we get distracted, from actually finding meaning for ourselves.

That's just what I think. It might change tomorrow,
just like my about me.

Feliz Navidad 2007!

te deseo felicidad, paz y muchas risas con los que amas.

the art of yesterday

Mili came over yesterday so I would finally make her portrait. I had promised it for her 15th birthday, although the request had been coming from way before.
She loved the portrait. I think at the end it was worth the almost hr and 30 min she was posing. I won't forget her reaction when she saw the portrait "wow! it looks so much like me!"


I was a little worried, since it had been a minute since I last drew anyone from life, but thank goodness I still got it ;) and Mili's parents and my uncle were here and they loved it too. I love affirmation, it shoots my self esteem to the sky :)

Palabras de un amigo:

"Recuerda hija, se debe vivir buscando cumplir los
propositos de Dios para tu vida y esta generacion a
traves de tu vida. Es decir, no pregunto ¿Que me
ofrece la vida y Dios? sino me pregunto ¿Como cumplo
los propositos de Dios para esta generacion a traves
de mi vida?...Senti en mi corazon compartirte esto."

gracias a Dios por emails... y los amigos.

love means giving

this is the first year i didn't make a little wish list for xmas. i usually do, just for myself cause i usually end up buying myself presents "cause i deserve it" (i know you say that to yourself too). But this year i narrowed my gifts to getting my amnesty international calendar 2008 and a red batik scarf AI also had on their website.
and even though i've been planning on not getting gifts this year, we ended up with some nice gifts per family.... we couldn't do individual, cause that would be too many and too much, so we bought gift cards to different restaurants and are going to give those per family... so that each family can have some time for themselves. different restaurants, that way we dont go all together. we do that enough at any other time.
and i made some cool photo calendars and photo books for my sister, nephew and bro-in-law. that's the Erickcito family... i think i'll start calling them that, cause none of them go by the same last name. no restaurant gift card for them.
and i got my mom the face lotions she wanted. pricey, but i know she'll love them.
hopefully i'll finish the scarf i'm making for my sister in time for xmas. she'll like it.
and after that i'll start a scarf for my other sis... lidi... and mail it to her. and i'm bringing juanca a bunch of stuff i've been saving for him. i am so excited to see him for new years!!! thank goodness the cotton bowl is there, so i have a ride to go see my big bro :D

let it snow... but not too much cause i dont drive good on it :D

Poem (or... when i can't think of words i look back for a minute)

Contemplando desde alto

Desde la terraza aquella
donde siempre te encontrabas
después de un largo día
o durante una migraña,
ahora ruego al Dios eterno
que te guarde y te bendiga;
y te veo (no te miento)
en cada luz de la cuidad,
te recuerdo con el viento
que antes de la lluvia va.

Era la terraza aquella
más que un sitio de descanso
era el lugar donde tu alma
se llenaba de alegría.
De aquella ciudad tu amabas
su eterna indiferencia
a tu vida y tus migrañas.
Esa es la cuidad que espera
algún día tu regreso,
que te vuelvas y contiemples
luces nuevas,
viejos sueños.

BEGutierrez
Junio 21, 2004

it snowed today

it was beautiful.

(i really miss my camera, lately i don't feel like writing much. short on words and no images = feeling a little empty.... or just weird. i dont know.)

12:12

I started a colorful scarf today. I figure if I like them so much I better learn how to make them. It's soft and colorful... kinda like me, although sometimes I'm not so soft.

Let's talk about the weather, the perfect conversation for an empty moment. It's cold, very cold. And it has been raining for the past two days. So my hair has been wavy at the touch of the air... humid air. And my nose gets cold, and my toes... but they rather be cold than imprisoned in a tennis shoe.

Time to go to bed, there's work tomorrow. And dinner at Noodles with the co-workers. The merry-xmas times, with lots of traffic, but pretty little lights, colorful, like the scarf I'm making.

About some not-so-bad Republicans

I watched the Republican debate in Univision today, and I was ready to trash all the candidates' answers (or lack thereof), but then I listened to Rep. Ron Paul's and was a bit confused about what I was hearing. 
I hadn't heard of him before, so I was a bit confused as to what he was doing next to all those republicans. He has some ideas I like. And I looked at his website and some articles about him at univision.com and he's .... a very unusual republican.

Today has been like that all day, because I saw early in the morning two republicans I liked in Jorge Ramos' "Al Punto." (If you're a Latino living in the States you need to watch this, and if you don't know what it is, you can learn about it here... I don't understand why univision won't publicize this tv show but they will run about 10 commercials about the latest somebody that fell down in the Televisa version of Dancing with the Stars.... we need to get it together, univision, por favor.) And I'm not supporting Ramos here, I don't really agree with all his point of views and I'm not crazy about his obsession with Hugo Chavez (today, he ALMOST made it through the show without mentioning him.. almost.) But Ramos is a great journalist and I love Al Punto. Latinos need to continue the dialogues on the issues that are affecting us and take action. Al Punto is an awesome start for families to start a conversation. Because whatever happened in the 8 pm Novela last night is not going to matter much tomorrow.

Luna

te extraño en las noches negras
cuando las luces del vecino se apagan
y todo se vuelve más frio,
cuando el abrir y cerrar de ojos da igual
y cuando los miedos vienen corriendo.
nadie cuenta historias cuando tú faltas,
y más alla del fuego que me calienta
no veo nada
porque faltas tú.
haces mágicas las noches
cuando danzas sobre agua
y llenas mis horas huecas
con tu luz prestada.

BEGutierrez

I wish the moon was out tonight.

A happy note... and a book :)

So... I got home yesterday and looking at the mail, the first thing I noticed was a yellow packet, kinda big. And I opened it and there was a book! "Sisterhood is Forever: the women's anthology for a new millennium" and inside, a note on the packing slip:
"B- So sorry to hear about the car. I hope this book helps to brighten you day. Miss you! -J."
I really brightened my day, actually, the whole week :)

TODAY
is half gone
i have half day
to make a difference
for someone,
for myself.

Meaningless ______

Midnight shade on my nails.
Soft color light bounces off everything
and anything on its way.
Little lights that cry celebrations.
Music everywhere
melodies and lyrics
that are hard to understand.
Constantly thinking of the impossible.
And I'm happy.
But I'm not sure.
And I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow
or a year from tomorrow.
If I'm not here anymore,
say goodbye
and sweet dreams.
Don't worry, that's just in case I'm taken from you.
I won't leave you.
I will never leave you.