Scream profanities

I’ve been in a funk for a few months, after my dad’s death. I’ve found myself dragging… I’m not depressed, but I’ve noticed myself overthinking the small things. Like.. cleaning my room or getting up to exercise. Even after I decided that it needs to be done, I get up or look around my room and it’s like I’m trying to convince myself against the good (or the needed) and end up just doing nothing.

I’ve also had trouble focusing. Like right now. I’m working from home and all I can do is look out the window at the snow that’s falling.

I also have piles of work and no motivation to do it. Or I jump from task to task, because, somehow, all seems urgent, but then I end up doing nothing.

I bought myself a couple of 8x8” watercolor pads. I want to refocus. I want to fill this pads with art or thoughts. Or just whatever it is that needs to come out of my heart right now.

Today is Jaime Roberto’s birthday and I wish I could go hug my cousin. Life sucks. It is such a hot mess of beauty. Sometimes I just want to scream profanities. Maybe that’s what needs to come out of my heart right now.