A poem

I don't like to share my poetry much, but I decided to post this one here. For April.

Shooting Star

Let me see a shooting star,
I think I need some magic in my life.
And tonight,
with the light of the moon
and the pitch black sky,
life seems to need more magic.
The night is lonely since you left
and nothing else seems to fill the sky.

The moon tries to survive,
she tries to escape loneliness
and the emptiness
that seems to surround her
tonight.

That void seems to call my name,
and that's why I need
to see a shooting star tonight.
I need something that tells me
you're alive somewhere,
somehow.
That you're waiting for me.

I want to see a shooting star tonight,
and say a prayer,
and fill the sky.

BEGutierrez
Sept 24, 2005

I thought of this poem when we were coming back from Hope, AR on September 21st, when we said good-bye to April. It took me a couple of days to put it down on paper, it was difficult to find the words, even though is so simple. That night I really saw the moon like I hadn't seen it ever before, and the sky was an infinite kind of black, which I thought was unusual, since the moon usualy lights up everything around her. That night two of my friends saw a shooting star while we were on the road... I missed it.

Thank you

For all your words, thoughts, and prayers. I'm ok, I just miss my friend a lot. News reports on that are not pretty and that's saddening. Sometimes I forget she's gone. I saw something hilarious today and I thought "shit, I need to tell April!" and I was gonna call her...

And then I remembered.


This is April, RoRo, and me. When we went to Memphis, TN.
Here we are at Rendezvous.

I miss you so much girl.

In the sunset

I don't even know where to begin. Ever since I heard that April passed away, I haven't been quite sure of what's happening around me. That moment when PM told me, it keeps playing in my head, and I just find it so hard to believe. I mean, I know it's true... but my heart just goes mute when I think she won't be around anymore. It's surreal. It's been hard. But there are so many people for whom I need to be strong. So I've been trying to keep myself together, and somehow, it hasn't been too hard. But there are so many questions in my mind that I just need the answer to. On top of that, I've had some other problems. I just haven't felt 'right' lately. I haven't been to the library, because when I go there everything reminds me of April... we used to study a lot together, and sometimes we didn't study, we talked instead :') We were supposed to get a 4.0 GPA this semester.

Anyway, so when I need to say something, but I don't want anyone to know, I write it down in that place. And today I wrote:

"Psalm 138:8 -- Sometimes it seems clear what you want from me, sometimes it doesn't. It's your promise. Please tell me what is you purpose in my life."

When I turned 16, one of my most special friends took me apart and said that He had a plan for me. And he gave me that verse (Psalm 138:8). Anyway, today, I worked late and when I left the office the most beautiful sunset was waiting for me outside the door. It was amazing. In no more than 5 minutes it was gone, but I suddenly was in peace. None of my questions had been answered and I'm still all confused. But it was like God was telling me to trust Him.

I don't know how to explain it; but in the middle of all this confusion, pain, uncertainty, fear and all that I'm feeling right now, I have peace. And I know things will be fine.

Rest in peace, my dearest April

April Renetta Love
May 1, 1985 - September 12, 2005

Girl, I will always have you in my heart.
Thank God for letting me be your friend. I already miss you badly.
No words can express.
You were truly a blessing.

www.AprilLove.org

184 years of independence!

Of my beautiful El Salvador!














This are Los Mosaicos (the mosaics), those are a bunch of students volunteers... I participated in that for a couple of years... I think it was 1996 and 1997. It was awesome... SO AWESOME. I cannot even find the right words to begin to tell you what I felt when I saw this picture. I'm so bad with words...

"Dear Katrina" by Ryan Ray

Dear Katrina,

Escaping the Air I Breathe
Coming up from the water below
Watching someone stop breathing,
Trying to escape,
To escape from a paradise lost,
To a place I once called home
To a home that was once known
for its arts and music.

Can I get a moment of Silence
For those lost, for those who suffered,
For those who have nothing,
Nothing meaning not one thing in their name
everything lost.
There lives for ever changed.

[Just Breathe]
Take a deep breathe and hold it in
As you walk past the dead,
Only this time the dead actions speak louder than words
Tears running down your face
Unwillingly
You feel lost only to look to God and your government,
But were are they
People dying without food and water.
The richest nation in the worlds own people.
Treated like a 3rd world country.

I drop to my knees and begin to pray.
For help, for someone, As shots in the air begin spray.
A murderous WAR ZONE.
People killing each for simple things like bread and water.

Damn Katrina, you’ve turned my city’s people into savages
Trying “just” to survive
As more of my people die.
The name Katrina means “Pure” and your everything BUT
Thousands felt your wrath.


As I gasp Another breathe walking down this street
with my head held high.
You will not damage my spirits.
It feels I have a cross on my back and with this as my burden.
I have nothing else to lose.
How can you lose something if you have lost everything.

The air is fowl and fire lights the sky,
Where am I?
The streets I once knew are there, but not the same.
Shootings ring into the night. Children are full of fright
As parents hold them close. Trying to escape,
To escape from a paradise lost.
To a place we once called home.

[Dear Katrina]


by Ryan Ray

All rights reserved - Ryan Ray
www.xanga.com/rcray

Salty!

I have a lot of things to do. I need a break... I'd like a day at the beach.

I get mad at how we *humans* do not apprecite everything we have, until is gone. That's pretty stupid... and still, we're like that. Before the game yesterday we were collecting donations once again for the people affected by Katrina. The response was not as good as last time. Is it that we're already forgeting of what happened and how all the people have suffered and have seen death walk by... It's freakin easy to keep on living like nothing has happened... when it doesn't happen to us directly.

I read a poem a friend of mine wrote about Katrina. He lived right through the whole thing... he used to go to the University of New Orleans. I'll post the poem if he lets me, just so you can feel for yourself. I cannot even explain what I felt while reading it. I remembered that 2001 earthquake that changed my life. And I felt like I need to do more.

This is the richest nation in the world.

"You've got to understand how serious this is, and this is not what they're telling me, this is what I saw myself." <-- Read this.

One of my favorite questions... ever.

"Wanna go for coffee?!"

Ah... so many good talks have started with that question. So many great friendships have begun with that question. So many good memories also begin with that question. It's just one of my favorites... ever :) It's just nice to share a moment of your life with someone else... and it's best with a good cup of coffee (or an iced mocha).

Busy, busy

I know I did the right thing about that situation, but I'm shaking... I'm not affraid... I'm nervous. I hope everything turns out ok. They are humans, they have the right to be treated equally. I couldn't let it go.

I'm also getting headaches. Not fun.

And I went for coffee today. I ran into HR right after that and he said I looked good, he said "you look sunny." Maybe I was smiling too much. Is one capable of smiling too much?! I know it was not the coffee.

Working late today. And then going back to campus to finish stuff.

A lot of reading, a lot of writing, a lot of questions to ask, a lot of emails to send, a lot of paint to put on those canvas, a lot of coffee to drink, a lot of conversations to have, a lot of people to help, a lot more money to raise for the victims of Katrina (that's going great), a lot of catching up to do... and in between all that... I'll think of :)

WOW (I didn't find a better title for this post)

I am so freakin tired... and sore. Yesterday we collected donations for the hurricane victims at every entrance of the stadium before the football game (not to be confused with "fútbol"). We had a bunch of students volunteering and it was great! We collected more than $21,000 :D I think we'll do it again for next week's game.

I had to leave my car at AT's place since the parking situation on game days is hell-ish. So after the game J&J had to take me to my car (cause I lost AT during the game and his cell phone battery died and so I couldn't get in touch with him). But we didn't go directly to my car... oh, no. We were so hungry (I won't give out my thoughts about food prices and American Sports, here) that J-a (not to be confused with J-o... that's her boyfriend, together they're J&J) had the most brilliant idea of the night: "Ihop, anyone?!"

So there, we went to Ihop were I couldn't make up my mind on what kind of breakfast I wanted and so I ended up ordering the "Split Decision Breakfast" just for La Miss to ask me how I wanted my eggs... oh my headache worsen... So I just said "I don't know" in a tone that revealed my frustration when it comes to making important decisions. And that's why La Miss said "The most popular are scrambled with cheese" I replied with a "That sounds great" and a big smile.

We laughed so much. J&J are hilarious. And we talked so many things... Oh... and before I forget: we had all-access passes for the game!!! Where did we go with those?! Nowhere!!! Because we didn't know what to do with them. Just like money.

So, it was an interesting day. Bittersweet because of a situation of which I cannot write anything about since I'm taking it to the school's administration. I can just say that I was pissed off... VERY pissed off.

Other than that, everything was wonderful. And well, I've meet so many wonderful people lately... :D It made me so happy to see people united to collect donations for all those that have suffered. I wish I could DO more... but one can only do what's in one's power.

Something that struck me: J&J had a box of donations and J-a said "Man, we were on fire!!! People kept putting 20's in here" to that J-o said "That's just because I'm so damn sexy!"

And well... that's it. I'll probably add more to this post later. Like very deep stuff on the possible reasons my head has been continuously hurting for the last couple of days. It's been some time with no migraines, I don't want them to come back.