Monday, September 26, 2005

In the sunset

I don't even know where to begin. Ever since I heard that April passed away, I haven't been quite sure of what's happening around me. That moment when PM told me, it keeps playing in my head, and I just find it so hard to believe. I mean, I know it's true... but my heart just goes mute when I think she won't be around anymore. It's surreal. It's been hard. But there are so many people for whom I need to be strong. So I've been trying to keep myself together, and somehow, it hasn't been too hard. But there are so many questions in my mind that I just need the answer to. On top of that, I've had some other problems. I just haven't felt 'right' lately. I haven't been to the library, because when I go there everything reminds me of April... we used to study a lot together, and sometimes we didn't study, we talked instead :') We were supposed to get a 4.0 GPA this semester.

Anyway, so when I need to say something, but I don't want anyone to know, I write it down in that place. And today I wrote:

"Psalm 138:8 -- Sometimes it seems clear what you want from me, sometimes it doesn't. It's your promise. Please tell me what is you purpose in my life."

When I turned 16, one of my most special friends took me apart and said that He had a plan for me. And he gave me that verse (Psalm 138:8). Anyway, today, I worked late and when I left the office the most beautiful sunset was waiting for me outside the door. It was amazing. In no more than 5 minutes it was gone, but I suddenly was in peace. None of my questions had been answered and I'm still all confused. But it was like God was telling me to trust Him.

I don't know how to explain it; but in the middle of all this confusion, pain, uncertainty, fear and all that I'm feeling right now, I have peace. And I know things will be fine.


J. Star said...

Hey B, I'm glad to hear that you're living through this...I just can't even imagine. I'm glad you're finding some peace.


Maria S. said...

BG when tradegies like this happen we always question them? why God?...why? whenever a person like April is taken I have to think that the heavens needed her more than we did here on earth. I found this verse for you.

Promise of Peace
John 14:27 "I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid.

Coco said...

Es dificil aceptar la muerte de un ser querido- pero con el amor de Dios, todo es posible.
Recuerda que no estás sola...

Un abrazo.