In the sunset

I don't even know where to begin. Ever since I heard that April passed away, I haven't been quite sure of what's happening around me. That moment when PM told me, it keeps playing in my head, and I just find it so hard to believe. I mean, I know it's true... but my heart just goes mute when I think she won't be around anymore. It's surreal. It's been hard. But there are so many people for whom I need to be strong. So I've been trying to keep myself together, and somehow, it hasn't been too hard. But there are so many questions in my mind that I just need the answer to. On top of that, I've had some other problems. I just haven't felt 'right' lately. I haven't been to the library, because when I go there everything reminds me of April... we used to study a lot together, and sometimes we didn't study, we talked instead :') We were supposed to get a 4.0 GPA this semester.

Anyway, so when I need to say something, but I don't want anyone to know, I write it down in that place. And today I wrote:

"Psalm 138:8 -- Sometimes it seems clear what you want from me, sometimes it doesn't. It's your promise. Please tell me what is you purpose in my life."

When I turned 16, one of my most special friends took me apart and said that He had a plan for me. And he gave me that verse (Psalm 138:8). Anyway, today, I worked late and when I left the office the most beautiful sunset was waiting for me outside the door. It was amazing. In no more than 5 minutes it was gone, but I suddenly was in peace. None of my questions had been answered and I'm still all confused. But it was like God was telling me to trust Him.

I don't know how to explain it; but in the middle of all this confusion, pain, uncertainty, fear and all that I'm feeling right now, I have peace. And I know things will be fine.