Monday, April 07, 2008

Thinking of life and death.

There comes times when an individual meditates of the meaning of life, and other times when one can come to meditate in the meaning of death. For no specific reason, I started thinking about death on my drive back from work today. What am I striving for in this life? I though about it and I though about funerals. When I die, I want my friends there and I want to know that in my lifetime I was able to impact the lives of people, just life God has impacted my life. Making one person's life better would be enough, helping many would be best. But I mostly thought of what my friends would say. And maybe it's because I'm almost done with my book and I've seen a couple of dialogues that have made me smile because remind me of things I've lived with my friends or stories that are so meaningful to me that make me smile (or laugh) when I'm reminded. I thought of friends sharing one memory of us. And I thought how much I wouldn't like someone who didn't know me well speaking at my funeral. I thought of that, because when April died I remember being disgusted by chancellor White speaking in front of us, her friends, and pretending to care.
These are random thoughts, but thinking of my friend and how she wouldn't be able to tell a story... brought a couple of tears to me.
Life has been good to me. I have so many friends that are just little miracles of God in my life and family that is so so precious. And I can't help but pray that God lets me see my dad again someday... it's been so long since I last hugged him. I talked to him last week, but he's not a phone person, like me he needs the visuals, so he gets tired of phone calls really quick. The $3 calling card still had a bit left. I pray a lot that death doesn't come before I can see my dad and Lidia and Mario again. And that maybe all the kids are once again together some time. These are strange ways that He has, because in my head it doesn't make sense how life and death work... but as I read (and this is one of the things I agree with Don Miller)
"God is good... what He has is good. If He made all this existence, you would think He would know what he's doing."
And you would have to read Through Painted Deserts to fully understand how he's come up to that realization.. But it makes sense doesn't it, why wouldn't you trust Him? Why wouldn't I trust Him? of course, as humans all we want to do is run on a different direction. And I think I've done that for too long. Running from definitions of life and death and religion. And running from protocol and routines and hypocrisy. Ay... how did I get to this point now? I need to get quiet and think in pictures now. This is much easier for me.
Now let me go. There are two very special painting I need to finish. And maybe I'll keep thinking then, along the brushstrokes, how life and death shouln't be so difficult.

1 comment:

Coco said...

la vida es preciosa!
hay q. vivirla intensamente!

un fuerte y caluroso abrazo,