On my wall...

Tyler Goldammer wrote at 1:48pm

Hola Chica!!!!



I thought the message I got from Tyler looked great with the picture he currently has. Oh, friends.

"I want time"

There are so many things I want to write about at this very moment. I want to say how happy I am that the semester-long group project that drove me and my team to profanity is finally over, and I want to say how much I enjoyed working with my team and how great I think each one of those individuals are.
I want to tell you about the time I've been taking to think about the things I care about and how much better I feel. I want to tell you how I will step down from leadership positions that, even though they mean the world to me, did not help me develop into a greater someone. I want to tell you how much I believe stepping down from those positions will benefit me and how much I look forward to enjoying my time in the organizations I've chosen to stay involved with.
I want to tell you how much I loved to go into the painting studio last Sunday and how I realized I missed the sights and the smell of oil paints. I want it all again, and I can't wait to be back in the studio in the Fall semester. I want to show you how much I smile when I see the guy I like. I want you to see me sitting down on the grass outside the Student Union enjoying the sun and talking to friends... I did that today. It was good for my soul.
I want to go into detail on how my friend Brandy got me a summer exhibit in the AK gallery at school. And I want you to see me painting like crazy (which will happen in the next week) loving it... Every minute of it.
I want you to see me driving around in my old car with the windows down. My hair goes everywhere because it's getting long again.
I want you to read my Spiritual Autobiography, the one I'm writing for my Essay Writing class... The one that got tears out of me while writing it. The one I need to finish, because I only have a draft of it right now.
I want to tell you how I want time with him. I want time. I want to talk to him for hours, until no questions are needed for me to listen to what he has to say.
And I want to play in the swing outside the arts building. I want someone to take pictures while that happens. I want to take pictures of the Peace Fountain at night, when I can climb on it without anyone telling me not to.

I really would have liked for you to sit with me outside the Student Union today. I got to talk to many friends, and I got to feel the warm sun rays on my skin... I got to spend time living every second that life has to offer.

Un cafecito

I feel so much better now.
I was pissy all day long, I had accumulated a lot of things and felt like I was about to explode. It was everything and anything, and it just kept getting worse with crap happening throughout the day.
Thanks to my friend Sandy who bought me some coffee and took the time to talk to me (but mostly listen) for almost two hours tonight, I was able to release a lot of the things I had inside. I was just feeling awful; I could feel the anger in me... and that made me even more angry. I'm better now... I just need to get it together and take time to be me again.
I have tons of things to do for this week. Finals are coming up next week and so I have to study a lot. I'm taking two classes in the Summer, one in each session so I won't have much of a break. Things should slow down quite a bit, though.
My mural project will be the FIRST thing I do after I get done with finals. I miss painting...

By Claude Cahun

"I am still waiting for some remarkable circumstance to strike me, by which to evaluate various encounters whose greater or lesser importance and meaning I see more or less clearly.

The only encounter that has played a capital role in my life until now took place before I was born. Doubtless I'd never think of such an obvious and common fact, of which I can only make a rhetorical use, if, as long as I can remember, I hadn't had the familiar irritating feeling that my fate is playing itself out for the most part outside of me, and almost without my knowing it."

I'm writing my spiritual autobiography for my essay writing class (I must say, that is one of the best classes I've taken at the UA outside the art department!). I'm using Cahun's writing and Frida Kahlo's "Portrait of my Father" for parts of my essay. I'm excited trying to finish up the draft. It's good, and in a way, liberating. I'm also munching on Hot Cheetos while I write; my fingers are starting to turn red.

A retreat

The LEAD Retreat was awesome. The Lasana's workshops were great and very very helpful. The retreat was in Mt. Sequoya and that brought back memories of the Multicultural Retreat in Spring 2004, the start of Diversity Alliance, and April Love. I stood in front of the cabin were we all stayed two years ago and it came to mind the things we talked about... growing together in friendship and hope for a better life.

Yesterday I went to see the sunset from the spot were the cross is in Mt. Sequoya. It was beautiful and, as always, it was too short for me. I took some photos and came to the conclusion that no image will ever give me the exact colors and the feeling of just standing alone watching the day die.

After that we met in small groups and talked. The discussions were great and I think they helped every one of us in the group. Then we saw the movie Crash (watch it if you haven't yet). But before that I saw the piano in the living room of the building we stayed in and I decided to sit and give the white keys a try. It was nice. I couldn't get everything Derrick taught me last time, but I did ok considering it's been over 3 weeks. Tejal took a picture of me in the intent.

Everyone was great. I got some nice shots... April should have been there, she should be here.

I had a good time. I'm hoping (and will work on) the Diversity Alliance increase of membership. All the founders are greaduating in 2007, and we cannot let the DA disolve once we're gone. It has to grow strong... it's our legacy.

pictures of the sunset will come on the photoblog.

What some dreams may come: ART

There is a reocurring dream I used to have when I was a kid. I have a hard time articulating it.
I've tried many times to put it down on paper as a drawing or a painting but I never finished any of the intents. Now I'm taking on that dream to solve my final project for 3D Design.

I talked to my professor and ended up deciding that the only real solution would be a life-size installation.

SO... I'm taking on that. I'll build the frame, the covers, I'll make the thorns for one side and the emptiness for the other side.

I'll be a challenge, but so is the dream. I'll tell it when the time comes. I'll have pictures of the installation too.

I'm exausted. Tomorrow will be good but busy: work, scholarship ceremony, meeting, LEAD retreat... which reminds me... I need to pack my stuff!

I gave a presentation today on my spirituality and I think it went very well. This is something I said "I believe in quiet time. I believe in smiling. I believe in crazy moments, because sometimes we need liberation from things or circumstances... such this semester, I've been really busy and stressed out, so I went and got a nose piercing yesterday..." The class cracked up. It was good.

Note to a friend

Bertha "B" Gutierrez wrote at 12:09 am April 20th, 2006
Maybe if I go to a quiet place to see a sunset or a star you'd come and say hello, like you did in New Orleans. You were good at catching me on my quiet times :)

In between moods

Right now, at this very moment I think I'm in between moods. I'm getting a headache, a migraine headache. I get like this when a headache is about to start. I never know what to do, say, think, or where to go. I usually stand still... but it never works.

I haven't been doing so good lately. I have been so busy that I haven't had time to paint or really do anything fun. It has slowed down a bit, though. The freakin to-do list finally shortened.

I have to go to school for an Alpha Phi Omega mtg and then I need to write two articles... one is for the Traveler. I told Jose I'd cover the International Banquet and so I need to pick a couple of photos from the ones I took last night and write a story about it for the paper. I forgot to ask him how many words he was expecting...

Oh my head.

[at 9:38 pm] I'm sitting in the computer lab in the library at school. It's hot. I think we skipped Spring this year because it almost feels like Summer outside. This is what we get for not caring about Global Warming!!!

I just left my Alpha Phi Omega meeting. We were having elections but I had to get out of there because I have to do a lot tonight. I have to write the article for the Traveler (that's slowly coming out me) and do the handout for one of my presentations. I have so much trouble when I have to write an academic paper. I hate it because I can sit in a chair forever with the computer or a notebook in front of me, trying to start writing but nothing ever comes out easily. I usually write a lot of poetry during those occasions... or I get some pretty good ideas on paintings or drawings. OR I write in this freakin blog :)

I'm SO good at creative writing, though. And I don't mean the stuff I write is good, I mean it comes out naturally and it's easy and fun for me. That's why I've enjoyed my essay writing class this semester so much.

Oh, it's HOT here. And I have to get back to reporting the exciting news to my campus community. I also took the pictures at the banquet and they didn't turn out good. The lighting was AWFUL and I guess my camera is not the greatest ever... I do love it, but I realize that there are other models I would rather have. It would be a Canon, though. I love Canon cameras.

And I love how here in the U.S. the word "love" is used so carelessly. I mean... here, you can love ice cream.