Urge to escape

I have been letting myself down a lot lately, contradicting my very nature.
I've come to crash again great obstacles beyond my control and even when I know the most powerful thing I have against them is my attitude and outlook, I have let frustration take over my heart.....
This cannot be so. I am not this. I have to get up and be what I've always been. And smile, even when I don't have a peso in my pocket and it seems I need about a million. Or when I don't have the energy to move a finger, but I need to move a mountain.
I have to look for the energy and the hope outside myself. I don't have them. I know that. Give me the heart to come back. I want to come back to You, but I'm on the way. Don't let me be on the way. Let me escape and find Your open arms. I need a hug from you, or maybe..... un jalon de orejas. But I need to feel You, somehow, in this numbness of mine.