2005 mini-recount

Dear God,

Time has gone by so fast. Thank you for the opporunity to say I'm thankful for this year. Thank you for the life you've given me and all the blessings you let me enjoy in 2005.

Thank you because my family is complete and we have love and You. Thank you for keeping each one of my loved ones in your hands, thanks for taking care of them. Thank you for my dad and for helping him with all the complications he had this year. Thank you for my brothers and for their jobs... thank you for keeping them crazy and alive :) Thank you for my sisters, for their beauty and health. Thank you for my aunts and uncles, and my grandpa.

Thank you for the friends you've given me. Thank you for blessing me with their lives. Thank you for all the wonderful memories that I now have with me. Thank you for making us stronger.

Thank you for April's life. Please keep her family near Your heart, give them peace.

Let 2006 be better for everyone. Let us enjoy each moment, each minute, each month. Let me grow and learn more each day. Let me shine with your light in the life of others. Let us have peace in this world.

Amen.

2005/2006 tagged by Alanis

HA! She didn't tag me, but I'm pretending she did :)

A few questions for you, about 2005...

--what were your favorite moments of 2005?
I have many... specially when looking at the big picture. My debut art show was fantastic. Also spending time down in Hope, AR with April and her family. Also going to Washington DC for the AAUW student conference, it opened my eyes to many things that I had overlooked.

--favorite books, movies, articles, tv shows, live performances?
Book: Skirting Tradition. Very powerful. Didn't read much this year...
Movie: The Motorcycle Diaries, Crash
TV Shows: Project Runway

--what are you the most proud of in this last year?
To say that I have people who I love and love me back.

--what do you forgive yourself for?
Not making enough time to study and taking that way too serious.

--what are you deeply grateful for?
The time I'm given in this life. I'm so grateful for having real friends and such an amazing family that loves me.

--what are the biggest differences for you between last December to this one?
I'm one amazing friend short... and I miss her so very much.
I've grown. I'm more critical of things now. Before I used to just swallow all the information that came to me. Last year I also had LONG hair... I'm talking about 15-20 inches long.

--did you have enough fun this year?
No

--did you say no often enough?
No

--did you say yes often enough?
Way too often. There are things that I didn't need to get involved with and I did, even thought I didn't have much time to do them. I took risks and got to experience new things, got to visit new places and that was great. I took officer positions and that was wise.... I'm a better, more responsible person because of that.

A few questions about 2006...

--what excites you the most about this coming year?
The opportunities that come with my Junior year at the UA. New friends. More chances to grow and be better. Many many blank canvas.

--what new thing will you try (big or small) that you've never tried before?
I don't know... I guess I have to come up with something soon.

--what new commitments can you make to yourself?
I have to make more time for fun and friends and family. I have to be more disciplined and lose weight.

--what would this year have to include for it to end, in December 2006, on a fulfilled, happy note?
A boyfriend... maybe... maybe a great opportunity in the art world. Maybe a more skinny me.

--what do you see yourself benefiting from doing more of... less of?
More reading, more art, focusing more, reading the news more.
Less junk food, less talk, less time online. No coke.

--any visions for this coming year for your expression or evolution?
I see myself changing the way volunteering is at the UA. I see myself painting more often and with more passion. I see myself reading more... learning more.

--anything that scares you that you know you're going to do?
An internship.

--any new thing you can put into place that will support you better? New resources, friends, support system?
I don't know.

--anything you'd like to do less of, or stop doing altogether (that you won't beat yourself up for it you don't)?
Worrying for freakin' grades.

Alanis Morissette -- I have to finish my room

Many that know me, know that Alanis Morissette is my fave artist... and that the only productions of hers I don't have are "Feast on Scraps" and the new DVD of "VH1 Storytellers: Alanis Morissette."
Well, this is her most recent journal entry. I'll answer her questions... after I finish putting together my room. That'll be before 2005 is over. So I better get to it. Here's Alanis' entry:



December 23rd, 2005

Hi each,
Just checking in as we approach official holiday time...
And wishing you each the greatest of times with your family, friends or selves throughout this season.
Been thinking about you a lot lately..
And how I can serve you best..what form that will take in the new year..
I’ll be diving in, in the new year, to write a new record
And later in the year start on my first book...
A great gift to express in this way, and I offer whatever I create to you in the hopes that it will continue to support you in your journeys
A few questions for you, about 2005...
--what were your favorite moments (they can ‘big’ or sweetly mundane) of 2005?
--favorite books, movies, articles, tv shows, live performances?
--what are you the most proud of in this last year?
--what do you forgive yourself for?
--what are you deeply grateful for?
--what are the biggest differences for you between last December to this one? (example: are you in a different place geographically, spiritually,
emotionally, physically, do you feel better, worse, do you feel more experienced at something?)
--did you have enough fun this year?
--did you say no often enough?
--did you say yes often enough?
I offer these questions to you and any that you come up with yourself as a way to find as much clarity as you can as you reflect on this last
year... I find clarity leads to a great sense of peace and empowerment for me. And when I just take a few minutes to reflect and throw some personal goals out about the future, I get very inspired...
A few questions about 2006...
--what excites you the most about this coming year?
--what new thing will you try (big or small) that you’ve never tried before?
--what new commitments can you make to yourself?
--what would this year have to include for it to end, in December 2006, on a fulfilled, happy note?
--what do you see yourself benefiting from doing more of... less of?
--any visions for this coming year for your expression or evolution?
--anything that scares you that you know you’re going to do?
--any new thing you can put into place that will support you better? New resources, friends, support system?
--anything you’d like to do less of, or stop doing altogether (that you won’t beat yourself up for it you don’t)?
I support any ritual or informal moment that can mark the end of this phase and honor and pave a new one as we transition into a new chapter.
May you be surrounded by support (even internally, if you’re on your own), be filled with gentleness, and have some juicy time to yourself to reflect on how great (or wild) it is to be alive.
Yay for us!!!
Xoxo
Love you,
alanis

Wishing you a very Feliz Navidad!

Too much talk is no good

I need to paint again... it's been long.
And well, since I'm not painting, I'll say this:

We, most humans, tend to talk too much. I'm getting tired of listening to people talk more than they think... I say that because every day I hear people discuss things without really thinking over what they say and where they stand on different issues.

This whole "Happy Holidays" vs. "Merry Christmas" deal has me tired. It does not matter how you greet people during this season if in your heart you're still the same. The point of Christmas is to celebrate that God sent His Son to this planet for us because of his extreme love... not to buy presents to others, or sing songs that will stick in your head for weeks after the season, or to decorate your house with a million lights, or to make children believe that a big old guy with a red suit exists for everyone. Now that's what Christmas is all about these says because we have commercialized it to this point. If you want to change something, change that. Change the fact that some people don't even take the time to reflect on the true meaning of these celebrations. Don't fight with others because they want to make everyone feel welcomed in the store by saying "Happy Holidays" so people would go in and buy a bunch of stuff to give away to their loved ones... that's just another way to SELL more.

It just makes me mad every time I hear someone trying to fight over this and then see the same person turn around and talk trash about somebody else. It's time to live like we mean to.

Felices Fiestas, everyone. Celebrate whatever you want... just let your loved ones know that you loved them... you don't have to wrap that one.

Thanking J-Star for the new template

Do you like my new template?! Me too!!!

Thanks to J-Star for pimping up my blog!!!
I love it!!! I needed something new already. I'd used the other template since I created my blog (which now feels ages ago). Thank you, J-chica :) I really like it!!!

IHOP time cause we have time

I'm enjoying my break from school oh-so-much. I'm working full time but there's nothing like coming home thinking I have
NOTHING DUE TOMORROW!
And well, reality is that these thoughts of mine make realize that I have premature senioritis. Oh, yeah... that or I'm really just frustrated with the grade I got on Film Lecture. I loved the class, I learned so much, and STILL I got a bad grade. The first bad one I get in college. Bummer.

I got so depressed for like... one hour.

Anyway, Sunday was IHOP time with J-a and J-o. It was fun hanging out with them. Here's a picture of them:



And here one of me and J-a and my new pink jacket I got on sale (i know, so ridiculously good looking!):



I've been reading for pleasure, watching movies, watching nip tuck and project runway, taking pictures, trying to organize my room, doing some thinking... relaxing :)

On a different note, something happened today. When I tell people (or they find out) that I'm from El Salvador I usually hear this: "Hey I know someone from El Salvador" or "Hey, I have a friend from El Salvador, she lives..." Yeah... because I know EVERYBODY in El Salvador. But today was different, we were talking about church and stuff, specifically about a class called Perspectives, and I said something about how I wanted to take the class in El Salvador. And then, my coworker of tells me that she knows someone from El Salvador that wanted to start one of those classes. And then she continues "Linda Grace Carcamo" "WHAT?!" I say with my eyes opened real big... Linda was my friend. I knew her since I was little. She died a couple of years ago. We talked about her a little. It's the first time that something like this happens to me.

Oh, this is a small world... And people like Linda, Maria Ines, April and my gramma will just shine forever. It got me thinking about what am I leaving behind every step I take.

What are you leaving behind?

I need to take time to THINK. And I don't mean right now or just think about some things. I mean everyday. I need to take time to reflect everyday on everything. Life, news, opinions, books, silly stuff, others... No matter how busy or how tired I am. That's how one grows.

Night of lights

Yesterday was my office's xmas party. Dinner and a show at the Walton Arts Center. It was nice... I took my cousin with me. We had fun. I don't think I've even had a change to spend time with her like last night. We went to the square after the show.



Every xmas they put a bunck of ligths all over the square and it's nice to go for a walk (even when it's freezing outside) and take some pictures. So that's what we did, we went for a walk (even when it was freezing outside) and took some pictures.

On another note: MY BEST FRIEND IS HERE! Well, not here... but here in the States. She's come to visit her dad in CA. She came for xmas 2003 and we met. I went to visit to CA and we had a great time. I haven't seen her since then, hopefully she'll come here to see me :)

A "Bravo!" for Maria Sanchez

Maria Sanchez is a Salvadoran artist I came across not too long ago. In the short time I've known of her art she has evolved as an artist and a person. She's a mother, a wife, works full time, and maintains a couple of websites up. She's the visionary that gave life to www.artbylatinaartists.com and dreams of transforming it on an organization that empowers other latina young artists to succeed in their love for art. What I think she doesn't realize is that she's already doing that...

She's having her first solo exhibit at La Raza Galeria Posada in Sacramento, CA. The exhibit will be up until Jan 2.

Congratulations Maria!!! Keep on shining, sister!!!

Xmas shopping and dreams

I'm still thinking about my one dream. I've been thinking about it for the last couple of days. I started my shopping this week, no clue what to get to anyone.... I'm so bad with gifts and shopping. I'm missing the shopper gene.

I went to different stores and didn't find anything nice... then I went to Barnes & Noble and bought books for many people... they will either love it or hate it. Like my sister, I asked her what she wanted for xmas (after I had bought her a book) and she said she wants Shakira's new CD... so I asked "Don't you want a book?" and she said... in the funniest tone "GURL!!! No!!!" hahahahaha~ I'll buy her the CD. I'll keep the book!

Anyway, a longest and deepest in thought post later this week. Happy shopping (and good luck with the traffic!)

I HAVE A DREAM...

Do you know what your dream is?!

Do you have any idea what would make you the happiest on earth?!

Do you, do you?!

Currently: doing some reflection.

30 things not many people know about me

Ok, so I don't have 30 things to tell... I only have 12. I guess I'm an open book. And if people don't hear it from me or see it on what I do, they can always come and read it here. Dang, there will never be a book entitled "The Secret Life of B" cause I'm just me all the time. So here's the list (in no particular order):


1. I've never been in a serious relationship.
2. It terrifies me that I might not be good in art. Every time somebody asks me for a design I'm very afraid they'll think it's crap.
3. I used to walk, talk and smile in my sleep.
4. I don't like people reading my poems.
5. I'm a feminist.
6. I'm one in a thousand. I was born with the "clubfoot" defect in my right foot (pie equino varo). My older brother has is on his left foot... so we know for sure that it was my dad's genes that were messed up. And so I had my first surgery when I was 3 months old and then a couple more when I was in 2nd grade (7 yrs old).
7. Because of the surgery I have some ugly scars in my foot that I don't like to show... because I don't like people asking me what they are.
8. The sight and the smell of the steam in the shower in winter reminds me of my time in Mexico City in December 2001.
9. As a kid, my dad used to take us on the weekends to his house with my siblings. I used to cry at night because I wanted to see my mom. Maybe I thought he'd never take us back to the house... I don't know why that was. That changed as I got older, and now I look back and think of how much more I could have enjoyed.
10. I have a great long-term memory. I can tell you exactly what someone said/did when I first met him/her in most of the cases. No matter how long ago.
11. I've lived through war. And I have many memories of shooting, being afraid, not coming out of the house, using the mattresses to block the windows...
12. I'm very spiritual, although not religious. I've never been religious, I've been very involved in church in the past, but I've always known the purpose of things I do. Contrary to those that just do things because... they're supposed to.

SOOOO... I'm tagging some people on this. Ya'll can come up with 12 things or 30... as many as you want, let's just say 12 is the minimum. J-star, Coco, MS, and Pippo (if you ever read this).

Finals time: long nights, lots of caffeine and... snow?!

It feels as if I had bricks instead of shoulders. I need a massage or something! It snowed the night before last and it was so cold in the morning! The streets were all covered in snow/ice and so it took me a little longer to get to campus.... yep... it took me an hour... ONE HOUR... I was so late for my first final, which was scheduled at 7:30 am. I think I did good though. Anyway... I took a really bad picture of campus that day. Here's for you.

And well... going to my first exam that morning I got to the classroom and I realized I didn't have a bluebook with me! I had left it in the car, so I had to go back to the union and get one. I went back to the classroom and by the time I got there I couldn't feel my face and I was so cold I didn't even care that I was about to take an essay exam scheduled from 7:30 - 9:30 am in just 40 minutes. Because on top of me being late because of the snow and the traffic (cause heck, I wasn't driving thru the freeway that day!) I had to go get the bluebook. So I got to the classroom like at 8:45 am. I know... sweet.

Oh well... it all worked out at the end. And at least I didn't fall on my butt that day. I was walking extra careful :) More on my life later on. Right now I'm tired and have to do some stuff around the house. Here's a picture of my feet. I know... random.

Can I graduate tomorrow, please!

Man this has been quite a semester. I'm drained. Long week with so many things. I posted this picture on 2004 and I thought it was appropriate for me to post it once again. Now let me go look for that mountain top to shout out how I'm feeling about school right now.

Orange juice for breakfast

I went a long time without updating... and the thing is that I didn't even feel the weeks go by. This semester went by so fast. Pretty surreal. All the things that happened. The good, the bad, the ugly, the lazy, the crazy, the sweet, the bitter, the bittersweet, and all. I've been thinking a lot about so many things that it would be too long of a post if I were to list them all.

Last few days have been blue. With finals, work, moving, and classes I've found myself a little stressed. I haven't touch my art supplies since she left. Well, not including when I had to pack everything last week when we moved to the new house. Thursday and Friday were strange... I don't want to say they were bad, because they were not. They were just strange. I've been missing April and Pauli. I haven't talk to Pauli since before we moved... and it's been a little longer with April. I sent a note to her family and got a note back. I couldn't even finish reading it. It was a bit overwhelming. I've been thinking of her family because with the holidays I know it'd be so hard to live, to enjoy without her. I constantly hear April... I can hear her saying what she used to say... with her cute southern accent. I get sad. I try hard not to, but sometimes I can't handle all this inside me.

I met with my two beautiful friends for coffee on Friday. We didn't have coffee, but it was good having that time. We didn't talk about her... I know we all wanted to, but we didn't.
She was the only one missing from the group. We talked about life and how we're planning to survive until we graduate. We want to graduate SO bad... SO soon. We'll have coffee next time. Sometimes talking is enough... sometimes even just sitting together does it for us. I'm the clown of the group, but I wasn't too much fun yesterday. We were all so tired, drained.

I wanted to write some more but I have so much to do. I have to get all my things out of the boxes and put my all my books on the shelf. I have to make my room MY room... although I think all the pictures and paintings will probably go up after I'm done with finals.

I have only one A in my pocket right now. JUST ONE. How lame. That's in arts, of course. I'm feeling good about the last project on that class. I wasn't happy with it at the beginning. Partly because I had no freaking clue what I wanted to do for it. But I got it together. Not quite done yet, but it'll be for Monday. On the other final on Monday I need to get a 100 on the test to get an A on the class. If I get a 99 I get a B. Grades are BS, I know... but I needed the 4.0 this semester. I've enjoyed the classes though, I just didn't do well on the tests... I'm better with projects and papers than with tests... unless they're essay tests, then I'm good.

And, ok, what is it with me singing Mrs Robinson?! I don't understand, but I'm starting to enjoy it. Scary. "What's that you say Mrs Robinson..." blah... I don't even know all the lyrics. And well that was it. A more positive post will come soon. Maybe I just need a new cute template like J Star's (hint hint) How did you put your photo on the background?

Well, my dear readers, have a wonderful weekend!
"You're only given a little spark of madness. You must not lose it!"
-- Robin Williams

And here's to you Mrs. Robinson!

I have no clue as of why in the world I have this sond stuck in my head. Yep, I've been singing "Mrs Robinson" all day.
So here's to YOU, so you'll leave me alone.

Thoughts for a penny

I went to sleep at 2:30 am and I was still thinking about all the things pending, but really, I was very excited after researching for so long about great women these days. I looked over the materials from last summer's NCCWSL. It was fun. But I had to go to sleep, so I did. I went to sleep with the idea that I would sleep in... but since plans mean nothing, I woke up at 7:30 am when I felt blood coming out of my nose (sorry if this grossed you out). I was a little confused, so I looked at my hands and realized I had to go to the bathroom if I didn't want to make a big mess in my bed. After it completely stopped (like 5 minutes later), I was wide awake and could not make myself fall back asleep. So I decided to keep looking to the NCCWSL stuff.
I also looked thru some magazines that I brought back from Kansas City... they had some neat graphics that I cut out. I threw away the magazines... the cut outs will probably go up on my wall. Have you ever seen my wall? I have pictures of it on my Flickr site and on one of the first posts of my photoblog... it's pretty full of artsy stuff. It inspires me. In my new room (cause we bought a house and we're moving during Thanksgiving break) I want to keep the same mood I have on my wall now. But I'll also make some room for a special billboard art project that I looked at. It'll be neat. I can't really explain what I'll do cause I really still have no clue how it'll work out... but when it happens I'll take pictures... and then you won't need any explanation.

Also, a couple of hours ago I realized that some text-messages were deleted from my cell phone. They were very special to me. Some were from April. I don't know how that happened... but they're gone. I've been thinking of her a lot. I miss her so much.
Then I also called my dad today, but he wasn't home. So I got to talk with my lil bro Mario... he's a hilarious! Chambriamos un rato and it was nice. Then with the same phone card I called my best friend Paulina. The operator said I only had 12 minutes, but we talked for longer until it cut the call. She had the chance to tell me that she uses this thing called Skipe, so I downloaded it and we continued talking for at least another hour 1/2. I was very good talking to her. She was laughing so hard at some faces I was making and some stuff we were discussing... I guess you can call that chambriar too!

Anyway, I also learned that I have a BUNCH of selfportraits in my photo files... so I posted some of them in my photoblog. So if an image is worth a thousand words... I wonder how many posts in this blog is each of my selfportraits worth. Hmmm...
This is the permanent link, in case you want to see those photos. That's it. That's been today so far... and it's still pretty early!

Today I know...

That I like posters. And I'm falling in love with art all over again... I love it when this happens!!! Today when I was going up the black-metal stairs and I saw my reflection in the window I thought to myself "what am I doing? what am I doing in journalism? why am I in that department? I should be a BFA -Bachellor of Fine Arts-... Man... I should have done just Art." And well, as much as I want to live my life with no regrets things like this one happen. I really would like to work on art all day long. But I guess everyone's got to make a living... Student Affairs shouldn't be that bad. It's a lot of work but I'll enjoy it. So I need to find a good Higher Ed Grad program (any suggestions, dear readers?). BUT listen to this -read it, I guess- ONE DAY I will do what I dream of... I'll be a full-time artist. Life's short... I just pray -and I'm working hard- so that day comes soon.

The nights are longer when you're sick

Don't you think? I also forget about everything... I forgot that it was Wednesday, and so I missed some important stuff I had. It's cold outside.

"Stand on someone's shoulders"

I am sick. I have to go finish a project. I'm taking some pictures for that. It's cold outside... I don't want to get sicker.

Today has been crazy... and it's only 3 pm

Me-- Going to class really late.
Me-- Ran into Cody K outside the union and the FNAR building
Nick and others from the 3rd floor classroom window: B!!! Get to class!!!
Me-- Very embarrassed

5 minutes later...

Me (as I enter the computer lab): Ya'll are so mean!
Everyone: Laughing
TH: If you're gonna miss class, just don't stand right outside the building!
Me: But I just got to campus! I overslept and I had to go turn in my paper that was due at 8 o'clock. I was coming to class! Look, (shows parking deck receit) I really just got to campus.
TH: Is it supposed to make it better that you got here at 11 when the class was at 9:30?! (giggling)
Me: I told you I overslept... and I had to go to my other professor to turn in my paper.
TH: There are NO other professors!!!

What I learned today: if I have to stay up until 4 am... why bother going to bed? Next time this won't happen. I won't oversleep... because I won't go to sleep for a couple of hours only.

Under a night like this
it's hard to know what to write.
One of those nights when everything
seems in its place, one
could wonder how, and moreover
why, the word insists, as
if the word, limpid and innocent,
stood out in profile amid such stillness.
As if the world had been liberated
from the world, once and for all, and from pain
all from grief and grief turned
into a feather. Night like bread of God,
bread for kindness, the image
liberated from poverty and wealth.
And man set free from both.
A dream like this, a night with no date.

Eduardo Milán
[New Orleans Review 31:1]

City soul

I'm in Kansas City, MO for a conference. The view from my hotel room is amazing. I had forgotten how much I love the city and the rush that comes with that city-spirit. I love it.

Brown?! What do you mean Brown?! Let's just say I feel gray sometimes...

Seems like I only update once a week... It's because these weeks have gone flying. No kidding... I think I have like 4 weeks of classes left. Juelule!!! So many things to do for tomorrow.

This week in particular, I've been feeling gray. When I came to the States and someone first said I was "Brown" I thought "what the heck?!" cause I really didn't know that's how some refer to Latinos... anyway, now I know. But where I live right now it seems like everything is Black and White, especially at school. And if it is like that, I think a more appropriate terms for Latinos would be gray... we really don't fall into any end. My friends are ALL colors. And I can relate to all at some point. Mmmm... I don't know how to make my point here. Ok, so on Friday, someone came to visit and she said that her new school's student population is 60% Latino. When she said that I got to thinking how long it has been since I was in such situation... you know, with so many Latinos. I had a little trouble imagining how uark would be if we had 60% Latino. That may never happen, though. At least I won't see it happen.

Then, this week, I went to the Unity step show on Friday (it's a competition, the Black Greeks on campus teach the White Greeks to step). The show was good, but the Arena was full of all the brothers and sisters that were supporting their organizations... I don't think I've even been in a closed space with so many White Greeks. Then on Saturday I went to the NPHC step show on campus... the show was WOW! Then, again, I haven't been in a close space with so many Black Greeks (they're crunk!). I think I need to clarify here, I'm not into the Greek thing... that's just how it happened this week. And it contributed to me, feeling gray.

Then at the basketball game on Friday night, we played against SouthWest Baptist (we won!). The game was good... But I couldn't help but notice that the SWB team had a couple of Latinos. Then, for a second, I wondered how it would be like if there were Latinos in our team.

Anywho... I'm just gonna go do what I need to do for tomorrow and will leave you thinking about my grayness. Hey, I also updated my website... you should stop by there.

Long week, basketball season, and Somebody's goodness!

I had like another million things to do this week. But it was fun, I finally feel like the VAC is going in some direction... there are some great things coming our way! I went to the Red & White game today and it was fun... the R&W game is the opening game of the season and it's AR vs. AR. Just a little practice for the guys. I called a handful of my friends to see who was going and I got no one positive response. Way to support those Razorbacks!!! April and I went to the game against LSU last year and we said we'd buy season passes this year. So I bought some passes, I couldn't get passes for the whole season because they were $108.00, and do you know how many hours of my work that is?! Yea! A LOT!!! So I just bought a packet for 4 games (including the LSU game of course). And today I noticed that I bought the first set of tickets, oh yeah... #0001. And well, so I got tired of being rejected by my friends on the phone, and decided to just go to the game, relying in the fact that I might find a friend at the arena. And I did!!! So it was awesome... We talked a lot. We discussed our thoughts about "The New South Consortium: The Status of Women and Minorities in the Contemporary South" and other topics. I had fun :)

Before going to the game I went to see a friend of mine and I took her the painting. We talked for a while and that's why I was a little late for the game. After the game I ran into NK and he gave me a ride to my car, but we talked for a long time in his car. He's hilarious. He's making chili tomorrow so I might pay him a visit. He says he's a great cook, but all he's made for me so far is chili... so I told him that he needs to really show me he went to culinary school or I'll believe that all he knows how to do is chili!

And well, another thing that happened this week is related to my Western Civ II class. I had a test on Friday and I really started studying for it at 8 pm the night before. I had to read a book, two articles, and all my notes to be prepared for the test. I kinda went over the book, and kinda read the articles... and just went over my notes once. In that class, if one has perfect attendance one gets to drop the lowest test grade. So I decided that this would be the grade I'd drop at the end of the course. I have perfect attendance and I'm not planning to skip class, so I thought, "ok, I really won't do any good on this test... oh, well." I was smiling that morning like crazy and told a friend of mine in the class about my plans, she asked me if I read the book and I said "Nope. But I know what happens in the story!" And so I told her what I knew about the book and then the professor got there and we began to take the test. As I went through the questions I was amazed, because I seemed to know the material. I was so happy, and then when I got to the 10 questions about the book, I knew 9 of them!!! Seems like SOMEBODY is too good to me... still. And going to class every time pays off.
I finished the test before my friend did, and she studied WAY harder than me. I waited for her and as we walked to the next class we talked about the test. She said that what I told her about the book had helped her a lot. It was quite an experience, I was emotionally prepared to fail that test, but it all worked out great.

I better go to the store and get the groceries now. Look at the pics in my photoblog, I have the ones from the game, some roses, the orange trees on campus, and Make a Difference Day. Next week is homecoming week so there's that last football game on Saturday, and there's a basketball game on Friday. I'll go on Saturday just cause I already have the ticket... but the football team is no good this year. On the other hand, I am super excited about the game on Friday!!! There's also 2 step shows this week that I will not miss!!!

Oh... life!



Quote for this post:
- "See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!O that I were a glove upon that hand,That I might touch that cheek!"
- "O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?"
Romeo and Juliet. ACT II Scene 2.

Giving a finger is in the past, now you need to give a hand.

This week was busy and very rewarding, as most of the moments in life are. I had lots of things to do and I managed to not procrastinate, so I got pretty much everything done without me having to stay up till 4 am or any rush. I got the first A on one of my classes (environmental geology) I was so freakin' excited when I got my score back!!! On the other hand, I have to make straight As on my Film class in order for me to get a B... sometimes "B" stands for BAD!!! I need to get a 4.0 this semester.

I spent a lot of time taking pictures this week. It was nice. Friday was the craziest day (picture-taking wise). It was nice and cool. It was cloudy and after my class I just went around campus taking pictures (soon to be posted on the photoblog). Things were kinda busy on Friday because Make A Difference Day was on Saturday, but it all went great and it was because the VAC team is great (well... overall). I went shopping with AL and that was fun, he's smart and very nice, and I had to climb my way up his white truck because I'm only 5'2". I bet that was amusing. Then, on Saturday morning I was feeling great, even though I had to get up really early because I was in charge of picking up the donuts and the ice from walmart before the day begun... When I got out my house it was dark and foggy... I couldn't see anything! And I went and got the donuts and ice. Then the day went great. There is a couple of people that made me want to punch them in the face, but everything else was very nice. I went around taking pictures of the projects with RoRo and at the end went to a project that I knew it was still going and helped out till it finished. Helping others makes everything worth it.

On a different note, Friday night I went to taco bell with some friends and the cutest baby in the world... that's Jonah! It was fun, and of course, I was taking pictures. From there we went to Friday Night Live at school. It was casino night and there was an Elvis Look-alike contest... We dressed Jonah as Elvis and it was the cutest thing I've seen in a long time!!!

I was gonna write some more about my week, but about a second ago I was filled with a huge desire to go take my daily shower instead of keep typing away. I'll post something on my photoblog later today... I like the title of this post, so I might use it on the photoblog as well. My plans for the rest of the day are: go for lunch with Gigi and Jonah, go to the 2005 Walk As One, walk in the walk, then walk back to my car, take the cooler back to the office, take the boxes I got at the liquor store to the office for the food can drive we're helping sponsor on Halloween week, then take my butt to the library and finish the 20 sketches for my comp art class, read for class. Then I might sleep for a couple of hours and get up on Monday for another amazing week ;)

"Trying to look good limits my life"
Look at this <-- you might find it fascinating, as I did.

Time flies... so Love.

This week went by super fast! It was good. I enjoyed it. My friend's still mad and I don't get it, but I guess there's not much to do, it's up to her.

On a different note, I am officially part of the MUFP family!!! It'll be great!!! I also had lunch with one of the school admin and it was fun, we talked about a lot of things... how to make the UA a better place. It was very nice, I'm glad I have the opportunity to see the people "up there" as friends. I also went to see Dr. B and we talked a lot. Yesterday was Sanders' arraignment but I didn't go. She asked me how I was doing, she said she wanted to look me in the eyes and see how I was... and a couple of tears came down, I couldn't help it, she knows me well. And it was good, she's also my friend and mentor. I'm really greatful for all these angels God puts in my life. We also talked about my classes, life, involvement, work, and she made me think. She made me think...
I have a bunch of things to do, and new things to learn. She was very interested in what I'll do with this desire I have to really make a change in school -and life- about inequalities in classes and genders. The UA doesn't have a Women's dept and I'm doing research on that and on Feminist Ethics (FE)... I'm also reading Skirting Tradition and planing to get the AAUW chapter started at the UA with Roo and other young ladies. It's all very exciting and challenging. Dr. B laughed when I told her that I was mad because in my Ethics class we only spend a little bit on FE and like two weeks on Utilitarianism. And then she said she was glad that I am doing the research on my own.

Also... I want to show the movie Innocent Voices at school... I'll work on this. Check the website out: www.innocentvoicesmovie.com

Anyway, next week will be crazy busy! I have two tests, a paper and project 3 due, and Make A Difference Day on Saturday... plus all the extra stuff I have to do. So I better hit the books now!!! Oh... I almost forgot... while working on my project 2 for art, I was taking pictures and couldn't help but end up with a bunch of self portraits. Fun times. You can see the pics on my photoblog.

"Love, love like the world we know is over in a day"

A walk

So, with all the things going on in the world, El Salvador, even here in AR. I decided to go to the movies with a friend yesterday. We had been putting it off because of random things and finally we went to see Tim Burton's Corpse Bride at 4:45 pm... why so early, you may ask... cause it's cheaper and because I had planned to go and have dinner at another friend's house after the movie, but the movie ended up lasting only like 1 hr and 20 mins. SOOO I just decided to come home... when I came home, I decided to go out and walk to see the sunset and take some pics. I was glad I did that, it was refreshing. I took my iPod Shuffle (the one I won on for ROCK Camp), my camera, a hoodie because it was cold outside (like 50 degrees!!! I know that's not cold for some people, but just a couple of days ago it was 80 here!) and then when out. I liked the pics I took, but my batery died on me and so I couldn't take as many as I wanted. And then when I came home, I decided to create a photoblog to not put all the pics up in here, I entitled it "An Expresso Shot Away" I think it's very creative! I would put all the pics up in Flickr, but I only get 200 pics because it's a free account, so I'll post there only the ones I like the most. I also decided to use the Funky Cherry Color Pulse that I got like two months ago. It's not permanent, which is good, because I know after awhile it would go orange on my hair. THe end result of the experiment was not as funky or as cherry as I thought, but it looks dang fine!!! I like it!!!

SOOO if you have time take a look at my photoblog (link on the "Go..." section) and tell me what you think. And... don't forget to pray for all those that don't get to have "refresing" afternoons.

What???

Until the next smile, April Renetta Love.
www.AprilLove.org / News story / A Tribute to April

Meanwhile, in El Salvador, my country:
- Santa Ana volcano erupted Saturday, October 1st. Deaths: at least 2
- Hurricane Stan. Deaths: at least 67
- TODAY a 6.1 (Richter scale) tremor
- Murders reported this week (violence alone): at least 41
- Total of people evacuated: 62,476
- Number of shelters: 534

Wow.

What is happening?

A bunch of different things have been happening, it seems like this world has lost all hope. The US has been hit with two hurricanes just about 9 months after the terrible tsunami in Asia, then in Central America there have been so many deaths because of a hurricane Stan. In El Salvador the Santa Ana volcano erupted Saturday... And April's not here.

The news are just getting worse each minute. It's horrible. And I can't help but feel useless... I'm praying for all this... but... I mean... people keep dying! Innocent people, poor people. People die everyday because they just don't have access to the adequate resources... because they don't have money... or much else.

And April's autopsy results came back today. I read about it in the local newspapers and I still cannot believe she's gone. I can't go to the library because every study room brings back memories... I don't want those times to be it. I never thought they would be it.
Smiling is so hard when you know all that's happening.

I had a dream last night, well, it was this morning, because it was right before my alarm went off. I was at April's house but she wasn't there, it was just her dad and her grandparents, and I hugged her grandma and I told her that she reminded me to MY grandma. The house was very dark and it was at night... it all seemed just weird, hopeless. And I didn't see my friend.

When Maria Ines died I had one dream with her, and she said goodbye. Same with my grandma, I dreamed that she called and told me to take care of my mom. I don't want that to happen with April. I'd like to called her up again so we can go study, so we can get that 4.0, because "we can do it, girl! we just need to study more."

I write more than I say (about some things)

My best friend sent me a shitty email. She's angry. I can't believe she said all that. And why? I have no clue... she knows better. She knows that when it comes to things like what has happened lately I don't like to talk because it's too hard, I actually have written more about it than actually spoken with anyone. And that's ok, sometimes people have the same things to say and it doesn't make it any easier. I was gonna call her tonight but I think I'll wait. I don't want any more rain, I'm already soaking.

Life is short!!!

I finally bought my digital camera!!! YAY!!! I've been saving forever and I went yesterday and got it!!! I'll be taking many pictures :D :D :D
Here it is, my Canon PowerShot A520:

A poem

I don't like to share my poetry much, but I decided to post this one here. For April.

Shooting Star

Let me see a shooting star,
I think I need some magic in my life.
And tonight,
with the light of the moon
and the pitch black sky,
life seems to need more magic.
The night is lonely since you left
and nothing else seems to fill the sky.

The moon tries to survive,
she tries to escape loneliness
and the emptiness
that seems to surround her
tonight.

That void seems to call my name,
and that's why I need
to see a shooting star tonight.
I need something that tells me
you're alive somewhere,
somehow.
That you're waiting for me.

I want to see a shooting star tonight,
and say a prayer,
and fill the sky.

BEGutierrez
Sept 24, 2005

I thought of this poem when we were coming back from Hope, AR on September 21st, when we said good-bye to April. It took me a couple of days to put it down on paper, it was difficult to find the words, even though is so simple. That night I really saw the moon like I hadn't seen it ever before, and the sky was an infinite kind of black, which I thought was unusual, since the moon usualy lights up everything around her. That night two of my friends saw a shooting star while we were on the road... I missed it.

Thank you

For all your words, thoughts, and prayers. I'm ok, I just miss my friend a lot. News reports on that are not pretty and that's saddening. Sometimes I forget she's gone. I saw something hilarious today and I thought "shit, I need to tell April!" and I was gonna call her...

And then I remembered.


This is April, RoRo, and me. When we went to Memphis, TN.
Here we are at Rendezvous.

I miss you so much girl.

In the sunset

I don't even know where to begin. Ever since I heard that April passed away, I haven't been quite sure of what's happening around me. That moment when PM told me, it keeps playing in my head, and I just find it so hard to believe. I mean, I know it's true... but my heart just goes mute when I think she won't be around anymore. It's surreal. It's been hard. But there are so many people for whom I need to be strong. So I've been trying to keep myself together, and somehow, it hasn't been too hard. But there are so many questions in my mind that I just need the answer to. On top of that, I've had some other problems. I just haven't felt 'right' lately. I haven't been to the library, because when I go there everything reminds me of April... we used to study a lot together, and sometimes we didn't study, we talked instead :') We were supposed to get a 4.0 GPA this semester.

Anyway, so when I need to say something, but I don't want anyone to know, I write it down in that place. And today I wrote:

"Psalm 138:8 -- Sometimes it seems clear what you want from me, sometimes it doesn't. It's your promise. Please tell me what is you purpose in my life."

When I turned 16, one of my most special friends took me apart and said that He had a plan for me. And he gave me that verse (Psalm 138:8). Anyway, today, I worked late and when I left the office the most beautiful sunset was waiting for me outside the door. It was amazing. In no more than 5 minutes it was gone, but I suddenly was in peace. None of my questions had been answered and I'm still all confused. But it was like God was telling me to trust Him.

I don't know how to explain it; but in the middle of all this confusion, pain, uncertainty, fear and all that I'm feeling right now, I have peace. And I know things will be fine.

Rest in peace, my dearest April

April Renetta Love
May 1, 1985 - September 12, 2005

Girl, I will always have you in my heart.
Thank God for letting me be your friend. I already miss you badly.
No words can express.
You were truly a blessing.

www.AprilLove.org

184 years of independence!

Of my beautiful El Salvador!














This are Los Mosaicos (the mosaics), those are a bunch of students volunteers... I participated in that for a couple of years... I think it was 1996 and 1997. It was awesome... SO AWESOME. I cannot even find the right words to begin to tell you what I felt when I saw this picture. I'm so bad with words...

"Dear Katrina" by Ryan Ray

Dear Katrina,

Escaping the Air I Breathe
Coming up from the water below
Watching someone stop breathing,
Trying to escape,
To escape from a paradise lost,
To a place I once called home
To a home that was once known
for its arts and music.

Can I get a moment of Silence
For those lost, for those who suffered,
For those who have nothing,
Nothing meaning not one thing in their name
everything lost.
There lives for ever changed.

[Just Breathe]
Take a deep breathe and hold it in
As you walk past the dead,
Only this time the dead actions speak louder than words
Tears running down your face
Unwillingly
You feel lost only to look to God and your government,
But were are they
People dying without food and water.
The richest nation in the worlds own people.
Treated like a 3rd world country.

I drop to my knees and begin to pray.
For help, for someone, As shots in the air begin spray.
A murderous WAR ZONE.
People killing each for simple things like bread and water.

Damn Katrina, you’ve turned my city’s people into savages
Trying “just” to survive
As more of my people die.
The name Katrina means “Pure” and your everything BUT
Thousands felt your wrath.


As I gasp Another breathe walking down this street
with my head held high.
You will not damage my spirits.
It feels I have a cross on my back and with this as my burden.
I have nothing else to lose.
How can you lose something if you have lost everything.

The air is fowl and fire lights the sky,
Where am I?
The streets I once knew are there, but not the same.
Shootings ring into the night. Children are full of fright
As parents hold them close. Trying to escape,
To escape from a paradise lost.
To a place we once called home.

[Dear Katrina]


by Ryan Ray

All rights reserved - Ryan Ray
www.xanga.com/rcray

Salty!

I have a lot of things to do. I need a break... I'd like a day at the beach.

I get mad at how we *humans* do not apprecite everything we have, until is gone. That's pretty stupid... and still, we're like that. Before the game yesterday we were collecting donations once again for the people affected by Katrina. The response was not as good as last time. Is it that we're already forgeting of what happened and how all the people have suffered and have seen death walk by... It's freakin easy to keep on living like nothing has happened... when it doesn't happen to us directly.

I read a poem a friend of mine wrote about Katrina. He lived right through the whole thing... he used to go to the University of New Orleans. I'll post the poem if he lets me, just so you can feel for yourself. I cannot even explain what I felt while reading it. I remembered that 2001 earthquake that changed my life. And I felt like I need to do more.

This is the richest nation in the world.

"You've got to understand how serious this is, and this is not what they're telling me, this is what I saw myself." <-- Read this.

One of my favorite questions... ever.

"Wanna go for coffee?!"

Ah... so many good talks have started with that question. So many great friendships have begun with that question. So many good memories also begin with that question. It's just one of my favorites... ever :) It's just nice to share a moment of your life with someone else... and it's best with a good cup of coffee (or an iced mocha).

Busy, busy

I know I did the right thing about that situation, but I'm shaking... I'm not affraid... I'm nervous. I hope everything turns out ok. They are humans, they have the right to be treated equally. I couldn't let it go.

I'm also getting headaches. Not fun.

And I went for coffee today. I ran into HR right after that and he said I looked good, he said "you look sunny." Maybe I was smiling too much. Is one capable of smiling too much?! I know it was not the coffee.

Working late today. And then going back to campus to finish stuff.

A lot of reading, a lot of writing, a lot of questions to ask, a lot of emails to send, a lot of paint to put on those canvas, a lot of coffee to drink, a lot of conversations to have, a lot of people to help, a lot more money to raise for the victims of Katrina (that's going great), a lot of catching up to do... and in between all that... I'll think of :)

WOW (I didn't find a better title for this post)

I am so freakin tired... and sore. Yesterday we collected donations for the hurricane victims at every entrance of the stadium before the football game (not to be confused with "fútbol"). We had a bunch of students volunteering and it was great! We collected more than $21,000 :D I think we'll do it again for next week's game.

I had to leave my car at AT's place since the parking situation on game days is hell-ish. So after the game J&J had to take me to my car (cause I lost AT during the game and his cell phone battery died and so I couldn't get in touch with him). But we didn't go directly to my car... oh, no. We were so hungry (I won't give out my thoughts about food prices and American Sports, here) that J-a (not to be confused with J-o... that's her boyfriend, together they're J&J) had the most brilliant idea of the night: "Ihop, anyone?!"

So there, we went to Ihop were I couldn't make up my mind on what kind of breakfast I wanted and so I ended up ordering the "Split Decision Breakfast" just for La Miss to ask me how I wanted my eggs... oh my headache worsen... So I just said "I don't know" in a tone that revealed my frustration when it comes to making important decisions. And that's why La Miss said "The most popular are scrambled with cheese" I replied with a "That sounds great" and a big smile.

We laughed so much. J&J are hilarious. And we talked so many things... Oh... and before I forget: we had all-access passes for the game!!! Where did we go with those?! Nowhere!!! Because we didn't know what to do with them. Just like money.

So, it was an interesting day. Bittersweet because of a situation of which I cannot write anything about since I'm taking it to the school's administration. I can just say that I was pissed off... VERY pissed off.

Other than that, everything was wonderful. And well, I've meet so many wonderful people lately... :D It made me so happy to see people united to collect donations for all those that have suffered. I wish I could DO more... but one can only do what's in one's power.

Something that struck me: J&J had a box of donations and J-a said "Man, we were on fire!!! People kept putting 20's in here" to that J-o said "That's just because I'm so damn sexy!"

And well... that's it. I'll probably add more to this post later. Like very deep stuff on the possible reasons my head has been continuously hurting for the last couple of days. It's been some time with no migraines, I don't want them to come back.

The meaning of life is keyboard shorcuts

I love my computers in art class... I'm having a blast. The professor is awesome, I think I'll take all his classes. Also, I'm getting involved in the Hurricane Disaster Relief effort at the UA.

My love for art is growing stronger as the days pass. It's amazing.
Also, it's amazing how somebody can make you smile for no reason. I'm not making sense... I'll get back to my business.

*UPDATE* at 10:33 pm
I haven't heard from RcR.
I met this guy tonight, hilarious!
Gas it's $3.00.

That's how it goes

In college, one seems to get very few hours of sleep during the week. And then you see me with my eyes almost closed in front of the monitor at work or school.

It seems like today it'll be one of those nights. Tomorrow, though, I'll meet with my friend Ro-Ro for an iced mocha :D And I have Comp in Arts class... I love that class and so I look forward to it every Monday and Wednesday.

I tried to get in touch with my friend RcR. He's from Louisiana and so I wanted to check on him. No luck...

I'll go now. Still have tons to do for tomorrow.

Canta y no llores!

I keep falling... I fell down today again and last Friday (well, I guess it was Saturday cause it was 1 am). I keep falling in the same way and I always land in the same position, and so, my bootie cannot take it anymore. This time hurts :'(
And the worst of all, was that today many people saw... cause it was in the student Union. It felt bad, and this piece of friend of mine couldn't stop laughing!!! You know who you are!!! Don't you dare commenting on this post!!! Anyways, I had to work late today and so I'm tired (plus my bootie hurts, did I already mention that?!). I have to go home and do homework and reading, and I really should paint.

Well... let's hope I don't fall tomorrow. The good thing is, I will always get back up!!! (that's deep... it goes beyond the thought of physically falling!)

Hispanic Heritage Month logo

So... I designed the logo for the UA Hipanic Heritage Month. I did the drawing and a nice guy at Housing digitalized it and put the color. He did an awesome job!

Here are the pics:

Excuse me. I need some attention, please!

"The meaning of life is keyboard shortcuts."

I'm already loving my Computers in Art class. I feel so great right now, I feel so good in spite of so many bitter-sweet things. Have I grown up? At least a little? I think so too.

What else? Mmmm... I got darker today after a couple of hours out in the sun. It was HOT today... really hot and humid. And I'll start writing for The Traveler soon, I get my first assignment next week. Bruises left by Monday's accident are showing by now. Also, country boys might not be as bad of a choice as I thought.

And so starts my junior year at the UA

I busted my butt this morning. As I walked into the classroom where my WCIV II class will meet this year, I slipped in some water that was there because the A/C was dripping... I fell flat on my butt. Of course, I got up quickly as if nothing had happened and I said "I'm ok, I'm ok... where did all that water come from?!" The classroom was full of people, at least 30 people were there. It's a 50 people class, but I was early. So now I guess I'm "that girl that busted her butt on the first day of classes." My pants were wet but fortunately I wore black pants today, so you couldn't tell that I fell. It was actually funny, I sent CM a text message telling her what happened and she replied "ha ha ha & so starts a new year." I mean, people know I fall all the time, but she was telling everybody!!! That's just wrrrrrrrrrong. We'll see what happens on Wednesday when I return to my WCIV II class, cause I'm not dropping the class only because I dropped... myself. It was suggested by some that I dropped the class, but I'm stronger than that. Plus, if I were to drop every class in which there is somebody that has witnessed my clumsiness I would have any classes to choose from!!!

So what I learned:
The older you get, the slower you heal. I have to be extra careful, cause I'm getting older.

J. Star, here's the definition of "crunkest"

-- Extra --
My pirate name is:
Mad Bess Kidd
Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr! What's yours?!

A periquito named Paco

ROCK Camp was great!!! I had such a great time and I have no doubt that all the freshmen that went has a blast too. I'm pretty sure my team won ("who the crunkest up in here? 'E' the crunkest up in here!") but we didn't find out because of the bus fiasco. We had to wait for over an hour in the buses because the directors were making sure that everyone was there... and this was because it rained on us when we were on the float trip. That was fun, though.

Also, I was hipnotized! I don't remember much... it's slowly coming back, but I still don't remember much. My friends were telling me that I was just out, they said that I looked all relaxed and that I didn't even wanted to do what the guy was telling us to do. They said that they hipnotist told us that we had a bird in our hands and that he asked me what kind of bird it was and I said it was a "periquito" and when he asked what its name was I said "Paco." Julie said, "B, I knew you were gonna start speaking Spanish up there! I knew it!!"

I still don't know what happened. I just know that after I woke up I felt really good, like I had slept for a while! I was so refreshed :) Let's see if the memory comes back!

Classes start tomorrow. It'll be a great semester and I'm ready to pull a 4.0 and do some amazing things on campus!

Friends are priceless

I've learned that true friends, among other things, are always willing to stay on the phone with you for more than an hour EVEN when they are using their anytime minutes on their cell phone plan.

I was talking on the phone with three friends of mine last night. At the same time... we managed to have 2 conference calls going on at the same time because my phone wouldn't let me add a third call to the conference. So El Chino ended up calling Gaby, and connecting her to my call, which I had already connected Aaron to -Great explanation, I know!-. Anywayos, we're all in different States, we're all with different cell phone companies, we're all in different time zones, but we share some good memories together and so everything else didn't matter.

We went to high school together in San Salvador. Oh yeah,"el colegio"... Liceo Getsemani. We've changed SO much, and well, that's good... I'd be worried if we hadn't. Anyhow, my point was that it was very nice talking to them. El Chino -whose name is David, but we never call him that except for when he's in trouble- is crazy, always teasing me with the Figure Drawing class I took about a year ago. I don't know why I told him! Now every time we talk on the phone he asks me if I've been drawing nudes lately. El Chino is definitely one of a kind, thank goodness! Aaron with his clear memory, reminding us of stuff that made us laugh really hard... and other stuff we would rather leave behind. Aaron just came from El Salvador about two weeks ago, he came to visit his dad. He gave us the update on everyone's life. And Gabriela -Gaby- supper sweet and nice, as always. She's so cool. She missed our last year of high school, because that's when she moved to the States, right after the earthquake that shook our lives apart.

We talked about getting together sometime soon, but we decided that we'll think about it -and do some research on plane tickets or driving time-. It's crazy: Gaby in California, El Chino in New Jersey, Aaron in Maryland, and me... in Arkansas. They said something about meeting "somewhere in the middle." It just happens that I'm the most "in the middle" that we have right now, but I don't know that they want to come here, I'd rather go somewhere else :)

And well, that was it. It's nice to know that despite distance, time and all other things that we've gone through -that usually mess up friendships- we're still friends. I have to say, those three years I spent at El Colegio are unforgettable. We did some very stupid things, and we went through some tough experiences. But, oh, how much fun we had and how many true friends we found. We were so locos :)


Here we're going to our Salida Evangelistica. It was in 2001. Wow~ time flyes. We walked for about 30 minutes from where the bus left us to the little school where we took the piñatas and the cool skits we performed ;)


Yes... I was a clown. This was in 2000 for another Salida Evangelistica.


Here we're coming back from the Salida Evangelistica in 2000. El Chele was sick and nobody knew... he's in the lower right corner. The one with the eyes closed. We were all like "Chele! What the heck? Why didn't you say anything?!" and he said "I didn't want to ruin our day." Awww... Chele loco.

I want to see these people again. So badly. One day, one day when I make a lot of money I'll be able to go back to my Patria and visit all my good friends. I'll also go drink some coco helado and piña coladas at Rene's house :)

Friends are better than ice cream --> MUST SEE

Some look for the truth, I was only looking for gesso...

Man, I have been looking for gesso all over Fayetteville and Springdale and I have not been able to find a store that has it. I didn't check Hobby Lobby, they might have it but if they do, I know it'll be overpriced. It's enough with overpriced gass for now.

I went to wal-mart and didn't find it... then went to home depot and they didn't have any either. That's when I knew I was in trouble. I bet they have it at that store on Dickson St.

Anywayos, I have a month to get from 5 to 10 paintings. I know, what am I doing blogging?! well, I need to find gesso first! I'll keep looking tomorrow. I still haven't found the library books either. And I don't know where my Nora Jones CD is!!! I was going to tittle this post "where's Nora Jones?" I don't think I lent the CD to anyone... but sometimes my mind just goes blank, like now.

It smells like rain...

It's been raining hard and so it's smells nice outside. I like the smell of rain, a lot. Do you know what I'm talking about?! The smell that you feel a couple of minutes before a big storm it's about to start... and the first few moments after it has started to rain.

I've been avoiding the translation I need to work on. I've been doing some other things instead, like arranging my books on the new bookshelf (well... new for me, anyway). My mom found this really neat bookshelf at a yard sale yesterday. It's just like I wanted it. So I got busy. I still have a bunch of books around my room, the bookshelf wasn't big enough to hold them all... but the place certainly looks better than before, when I had books everywhere.

I've also been playing with some images, trying to make a Warhol-like image. That is because I found a Warhol book from the school library and as I looked at it, I kind of got inspired. This is what I ended up with (at least the one I liked the most):

I'll go do the translation now, I have to finish that today. Plus, I have to find two library books that I seem to have lost...

I go for the strawberries!

I love strawberries.
I was at the SIL today and they had food leftover from BJ's good-bye reception, so as always, I found myself going for the strawberries instead of things like chocolate cupcakes or lemon pie (although I like lemon pie a lot!). And I thought about it for a moment, right after grabbing some strawberries I thought to myself "I always go for the strawberries."

Reflection time is so important, isn't it?

I had a great conversation today with PM. Awesome. And I wish I could say more about it, but I'm still thinking over all the things that were said.

Anywaysos, I was Thai-frustrated today. I was supposed to go for Thai with my supervisor, but she had to go check on her mom because the lady called her that she didn't feel well. I really wanted Thai today... I hope Mrs. S is better now. So I came home, ate a sandwich and took a nap. A three-hour nap. I woke up at 5 pm. I guess I needed that. And well, that's all for now. I have some things I need to do:

- finish the translation for the Children's Safety Center
- figure out which class to enroll in, since Media Law is not a freakin option this semester (bitter about this)
- work on the HH Month paintings
- write a thank-you letter
- reflect

I think that's about it, although I'm sure I'll think of something else I need to do while I'm working on these things... it always happens.

It's raining models!!!

So far, three people have offered to model for me. Two of them are very serious... one of those two people is my aunt, the other one is a friend. The third guy has been saying that he wants a portrait ever since he found out I like drawing and painting. He said today, "B, you need to do a portrait of me," and then I told him that I could use him as a model at any time... he opened his eyes and smiled big... I was serious, I don't know if he realizes that.

Anywayos, (I've been saying that lately... usually followed by a silly "that's Spanish") something else happened today and I got a kick out of it. My good friend AM is part of the Hispanic Heritage Month planning committee and I've been asked to be a featured artist, my artwork would be in exhibit at the Multicultural Center at school; and today when I saw AM he asked me if I would just put up some of the same paintings I have at the gallery now and I told him that I would make new ones, that I'm already working on that. In response to that, he said the funniest thing "just make sure they're a little Hispanic." I was cracking up and I said "A, I'm Latina... so everything that I do is Hispanic... that's how it goes. Even if I paint dolls, they would be considered Salvadoran dolls!" I like him a lot... he's hilarious, especially when he tries to be so politically correct. When he does that I just smile and say something in Spanish... and then he remembers it's me... and he chills.

Oh, friends are priceless.

And two of my friends are leaving next week on Monday. I'm going to miss them so much. Today was the good-bye reception for one of them. That's life. People leave and they stay in one's heart and mind. Of course I'll keep in touch with both of them... are you crazy?! How could I NOT keep in touch with them?! But I'll miss the hugs and everyday little things. I'll miss the smiles and the good talks.

That's it.

Textbooks, time & sleepiness

I'm sleepy today. I've been reading, painting, and doing a lot of stuff lately to get ready for school. I've been looking for my textbooks online because it'll be cheaper to buy them online. Textbooks are SO overpriced. It's all thanks to the textbook mafia... don't mess with THAT family!

On another note, I need to learn how to manage my time better. With one of my friends we've talked many times about the need of a time-management class... Anyway, I'll stop here. I'm sleepy... zzZZZZ

Truth hurts when it's not pretty

There was an article in today's MN newspaper about Hispanic enrollment at the UA and the community college. Well, the reporter had some mistakes in the article and so I believe she'll get in trouble. She had a grammatical error, but that's insignificant when compared to misrepresenting facts or somebody's opinion. The reporter interviewed some students that are participating in a summer program at the university... they'll be college freshmen next fall and the majority of them will attend the community college with plans of transferring to a four-year institution in the future.

The point of the article was that the university administration needs to do a better job in recruiting Latinos and to point out that so far, the community college has a higher enrollment and retention of such population.

My sister happened to be interviewed for the article, and she happened to be misrepresented... well, I was upset. In my fundamentals of journalism class there was something that my professor couldn't emphasize more: always check your facts. Apparently the reporter didn't do a very good job on this and that's how I got a call from University Relations. The person sounded upset and wanted to get in touch with my sister to "fix" the "misinformation" given in the article. Well, the article pointed out a weakness of the administration. That in Salvadoran Spanish is called "estar picado." There were huge mistakes in the article... but those mistakes would not get half of the attention they got if the article hadn't touch RIGHT where it hurts most...

At school there is a lot of talk about diversity. A lot. But there's not much action following the words... And that was pointed out in the article. It hurts... truth hurts when it's not pretty.

Lesson: always check the freaking facts... especially when you want to mess with "the man."

New painting & a happy bday!

This is the painting I made for Chris' bday. Happy bday, niña! I hope you have a great day and I hope you liked my version of "las mañanitas" this morning.
Hey... don't you love when other people title your paintings?! No?! Me either!!! This one is untitled, and this morning it was called "The sunflower girl." I would name it "La mujer en trenzas" or something like that... but it's untitled. I don't like "The sunflower girl." What kind of name is that?! It makes me think of a little girl in some school play in which she had to dress like a (you guessed) a sunflower.

Funny quote (that has nothing to do with anything):
“These new kids, they never last. Sooner or later they all... stop lasting” - Joey, from Friends.

YES!!! OIL PAINTS!!!

I've been painting this weekend and I read a lot yesterday (please note, the new "currently reading" section on your right). I started painting for a friend of mine whose birthday is tomorrow... due to my despistada state (only true Guanacos know that despistada means I'm broke) I cannot buy her something really nice, plus she's been asking me for a painting since... well, ever since I gave ATS a painting. I don't like when people request paintings, mostly because my mind goes blank and then I think my brains out trying to come up with something that person would like... so it makes the whole creative process a little less enjoyable. SO when I get a request I just say "NOOOOO!!!" and run away... oh, wait! no, that's in my dreams... what I actually do is smile and come up with something funny intended for that person to forget about the painting. Well... that didn't work with CM... and I tried it so many times!!!

So I thought "hey, it's her bday!" I called her to ask what she wanted for her bday... I knew what she'd say and she said it "I want a painting!" I could actually hear her smile after she said that. Yes, you can hear when people are smiling on the phone.

Anyway, I hope she likes the painting.

And well, the kitchen/dining room/my art studio is full of my stuff right now. Paint, brushes, paper, canvas, etc... I went to wal-mart one of these days and found an easel, it was nice and it was like $10. It wouldn't last forever but it would help me... and I couldn't buy it, again, due to my despistada state. With school starting in a couple of weeks I can't spend any money on anything or I'll regret it BIG time later.

Hey, once again I went off on a tangent. I wanted to write about last night, when I was taking a little break from painting. I was a little tired and I sat down on the sofa and I looked at one of the paintings I did for class this Spring... it's the only one I don't like because the still life set up had this little glue bottle that just drove me nuts. So I was staring at the painting and thought about how I would love to be able to paint with oils at home so I could somehow fix that painting or just paint over the thing. And then it happened... I thought "Hmmm..." (yes, I thought that) and then I just got up when to get my paints (OILS!!!) and my palette knives, I put some paper on the table and then started painting over that ugly still life. What came up was an abstract piece that I like better than the still life. In less than 10 minutes I had a new painting... in oils!!! I quickly got rid of all the paper I put on the table and cleaned any marks that I had left. Then I made a sign that says "No tocar - Fresh" (Don't touch - Fresca) and left the painting on the kitchen floor. I know it'll take FOREVER to dry, so I hope nobody bumps into it... I would not be pleased. I must say, I am very glad I finally got rid of that still life. My mom got mad, she said no to ever do that, not to ever paint over anything ever again. But the thing is, that painting would be a pain on my artsy butt had I not painted over it.
Here are the before and after:

Please note the little glue bottle on the right (the first painting). THAT little thing was the one that I didn't want as part of my record. The new painting looks better than it does in the picture... just remember that the digital camera I'm using is a joke. It was like $40 at wal-mart a couple of years ago. I think it was 2002, actually.

Anyway, sorry for the long post. I didn't mean to write this much.

Artist Reception pictures

Here are the pictures of my artist reception on July 25th.


This is in the Anne Kittrell Art Gallery...


The food was good and it looked nice...
A lot of my favorites on that table, including coffee!!!


This is one of the paintings I sold.
Untitled. Acrylics on paper.


This is T.Vo and Sara Hillis (right).
Sara was the one responsible for putting everything together for the show and the reception... THANK YOU SARITA!


This is "The Two Berthas" Oils on board.


Latinas leaders in the community...


This is Janet and her husband. They bought one of my paintings...


This is "My Fire" one of my favorites...


Friends having a nice time...


More friends and my two uncles (right)


Professor Coustaut bought that painting on the back.


Here is the first "SOLD" I wrote!!!


Here is Margarita "Maga" and the Univision cameras, getting ready for the interview...


Luces, cámara, acción!!!


This is my expressionistic self-portrait. Another one of my favorites...


Dr. Watkins from the J-dept with my friends from the MNews...
They are both UA Jour alumni.


This picture cracks me up! I'm with Adrain and D Richmond.
I don't remember what Adrain was saying... but THAT expression is worth a million!


And... here are some pretty flowers that we had for decoration :)

Sara took all the pictures (except the one she's in, I don't know who took that one). She has been AWESOME... I'm very greatful. It was an amazing experience, and this will probably be the last time I talk *much* about it, because I figure you all are tired of reading about it, already. :)

Anyway... time to move on... next step: NYC!!! :P